Yes they're real....;)

Holy Batman ~ she's ALIVE!

2005-12-12T22:59:00.000-08:00

I know i've been MIA.. i'm so so sorry :(

Been living it up and uh.. shh.. but myspacing like everyone else has been..

tonight i was really bothered cause my 'friend' josh.. totally dissed me when i needed his help (i'm not one to ask for help) for a girl (who's a mutual friend) that he's crushing on.

Thing that bothers me more? SHE did too!

So then he finally came to help me but didn't get job done and was a bit irritated about it..

whatever..

maybe i am overreacting but i really thought we were all friends.. but i'm finding out that i'm the only one who's trying to be one.. they're just being 'nice'..

and no longer am i going to tell josh to lay off becky cause apparently.. she enjoys the attention and maybe says stuff to him without me knowing.. so she's 'egging' him on.. so be it.

New York Minute...

2005-11-10T22:53:00.000-08:00

Well I am "back" from New York..

I have so much to say but being booted off the computer..

My laptop is in the living room still 'in box'.. so tomorrow after work (and a nap).. I'm setting up the wireless.. than probably will blog blog blog away! :)

I missed you guys!

Long update before New York...

2005-11-07T21:59:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay in blogging but you know how it goes.. packing and all that loose end stuff..

Let's see.. what have I been up to?

Went to UW Volleyball game on Friday night.. totally got me wanting to play again (with Amber and Becky)
Got to meet a cool friend (another Josh) but he seems pretty down to earth and all that jazz..
Got to get all the 'warm' fuzzy feelings about my friends & life put out in the open
Saw "jarhead" (liked it except seeing "Chicken Little" beat it by like $10MIL?)
My laptop shipped from Dell today.. YAY! it'll probably arrive while I'm in NY but what can ya do??
Had to order my ipod online since they were out of it in stores.. let's hope it arrives in one piece. The engraving went to hell in a handbasket but let's not discuss that!
Went crazy Friday night and sent an email to an old hottie from high school.. he actually responded! So now i'm like "WHAT DO I DO??" (I sent him pics since he said he didn't recall who i was or a face to the name)
Got reinvited to Apple CUP.. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS!!!

Last but not least.. getting on a plane to NYC tomorrow morning.. what more is there to say but "wow?"

I am nervous. excited.. anxious.. hoping that i can handle it without freaking out.. and so happy at the same time to be coming home (even though I haven't even left yet).

I think the reality of knowing that I have people who are so happy for me and can't wait for me to return home w/ my pictures and stories too!

I did have a weird very realistic dream about the ex this morning.. but I'm choosing to ignore it. I just can't keep going back & forth between the 'moving on' and the 'slipping back'.

I've finally embraced that my life is hectic.. it always will be. It's always changing.. if it wasn't.. who would I be? And that I'm the girl who's loving life and being able to spend as much time as i can with my 'girls' and happy.

As much as I thought I'd miss J and someday would give my left arm to be back with him.. now I think "WHY?"

I'm now able to call the shots and be able to say "wow.. he's hot" without feeling bad inside that i was still hung up on someone else..

Anyway, enough late night rambling.. good night to everyone.. hope this update makes sense! ha ha ha..

I love you girls.. and boys.. i like ya! :)

Friday update...

2005-11-04T06:02:00.000-08:00

I really don't have time for this but figured.. what the heck? :)

Last night was interesting to say the least.. I was feeling a bit down yesterday (for those I was chatting with at work that figured it out).

I'm in that "PMS/Nervousness/Insecure" mood that I get into occasionally. Not to say that I'm not out of it today (I pretty much am!)

Anyway, I was feeling weird and a bit resentful at work cause these girls in the office don't appear to like me.. and it was hurting my feelings. I'm over it.

So I'm on myspace (of course).. and who do I stumble upon? Jeremy.. and Casey. Justin's two 'bestest' homies.. and I stared at their profile for a while.. and finally I sent Jeremy a very casual message.. just saying "Hey.. how's it going? Saw Olivia on here and then found you. Hope all is well. julia"

I didn't add the real thought of 'I don't expect you to respond at all, etc, etc'.. well I log back in after an hour or so.. and he requested me to add him as a 'friend'.

I did.. and sent him a message (he was online) and he never responded.. oh well, guess he wants me in his 'stable' of friends.. Casey I'm leaving alone.. as much as I like him.. and he's only got 2 friends (other than Tom).. but he's Justin's roomie and I'm not touching that.. it's bad enough Jeremy now can see how many things I'm "up to" on myspace (aka.. photos to blogs, etc)

Anyway, Becky calls amongst all of this.. she sounds a bit upset.. and I asked what was wrong.. she says that her boyfriend just called to break up with her for real..

To backup.. Becky is essentially me circa 2002.. (for those who can remember way back then.. we're old!)

Anyway, she's been dating this guy for about 3yrs.. they've only been the real 'serious' ones in their lives.. talking about settling down, etc.. well he's getting scared and saying "He wants to date other people".. you know how well that goes over?

She's taking it hard yet also easy.. he tried this about 2wks ago.. then called her up this week and said "I'm sorry.. I miss you so much. Come visit me in Pullman".. only to call her Thursday night (day before she leaves) to say "No i changed my mind.. I want out"..

I told her just like me (22yr old me).. I had the best chance of my life.. and I didn't take it.. cause I thought "I love him.. I don't/can't live without him".. and my life is still way awesome.. but sometimes I do wonder where I'd be if I hadn't stayed with him?

Try telling that to me at 22 though.. not until *I* really realized it.. did I truly ever walk away and never look back.

She's trying to tell me same thing.. she can't say she'd walk away, etc.. I told her at least he's in Pullman and not booty call away up street like mine was.

But she was calling to grovel about coming out with us again tonight.. I said of course.. I just feel bad for her that she's having to go through this.. specially at a time when her career is about to take off.. and yet somehow, that reminds me of me too! :)

All in all, I'm hoping that in helping her get through this (cause I know she will).. that it'll help me too.

I've been feeling a bit low about the whole "missing" certain things about relationships.. and now I think back.. I can't imagine why.. I mean, I do miss little things.. but I also don't.

Jeremy's profile on myspace (he's been on since last yr it looks like; closet one.. he never mentioned it to me EVER).. he had a pic of the 'boys'.. and Justin was on it.. and I didn't even like blink.. aka.. no heartbreak or heartache.. jst a "oh yea.. justin of course!"

It's not to say I still don't find him cute/attractive, whatever.. but his personality has made me dislike him a bit.. and it's sad that I can't talk to his friends cause he'd flip out.. specially his 'roommate'.

Anyway, enough wasting my blog speaking of him.. hope everyone has a good weekend! I get the house "all to myself!" .. YAY! :)

Too much wisdom?

2005-11-03T08:32:00.000-08:00

Is there such a thing??

About 5 years ago or so.. I discovered that my wisdom teeth were finally coming in.

Doc took some x-rays. Told me I had a total of SIX.. Two way up top and the normal 'four'.

So we only took out 3 since the other one was buried and top 2 "were probably never going to come down"

Fast forward three years.. two were aching me.. so I had to go to an oral surgeon this time cause they were compacted.

So if you're keeping score, that's 5 that's been out..

Guess what I felt yesterday when I woke up?

THE FINAL ONE.. cutting through my upper right jaw area..

I'm dying.. how can one person have THREE oral surgeries for the same thing??

And I have to get it done cause it's paining me.. PLUS.. I don't want it to be pushing my teeth after all the work the braces did..

DAMNIT! :(

Sugar & Spice...

2005-11-02T20:35:00.000-08:00

So I spent tonight trying to find an I-pod as well as how to now spend all the cash that's been given to me.

This term is used loosely of course. It's $$ that is allocated to all sorts of things that are 'needed'.

Aka.. paying off all sorts of bills or misc. things that I've done over the past year or so.

It's amazing. They weren't joking when they said they discontinued the I-Pod mini's in lieu of the I-pod Nano.

It's TINY.. Becky brought it into work.. I couldn't believe how small it was. I was all scared to touch it!

And now the $199 model only holds like 500 songs so I'd have to pay $250 + tax to get the 4G model. More so reason to nag BM to give me his Mini that he doesn't want/need anymore.

BUT.. I guess on some level.. if it's being discontinued, they will no longer support it and all will go towards the Nano.

Becky loves hers.. so it's not like it's had any issues.. but I guess it just means having to spend dough on it.

My brother informed me tonight that he & Mary are going to Ocean Shores this weekend so I will have the house "all to myself".

Funny thing is, it's not like I'm going to have people over.. ha ha.. although only one person came to mind for a hot second (and then just as quickly vanished).

How sad is it that I have no one to "come over?" :)

I am getting my hair 'did' on Saturday.. prolly just have her trim it and re-do the color. I wanted it to look like this last time.. didn't work! :(

Something a little different...

2005-11-01T20:15:00.000-08:00

Ok.. so I'm going to try to upload html photos! :)

Jake Gyllenhall..

Can't wait to see jarhead!

Yay.. it finally wroked.. Don't know why it was erroring for a bit (I do same w/ myspace!)

Anyway, life has been good.. Been a few bits & hits here and there of minor drama but nothing that your girl can't get through! :)

And btw, I know he was in "good girl" but damn. don't remember him being hot like that.. when I saw this pic (it's a tad bit more sexy than the one w/ his shirt off, altho can i say someone's been working out?) :)

I like how his eyes look like he's staring into yours.. sigh.. i'm pathetic! :)

I am alive. I SWEAR!

2005-10-31T19:23:00.000-08:00

Sorry..

So much has been going on since Saturday/Sunday that I'm just now feeling 'back to normal' again.

The house finally closed today (YIPPEE!). There is still some monies held up with escrow due to them taking so long to verify the utilities have been paid off (Which they have been for quite some time)

Anyway, what is new??

I've learned a lot the last few days.. uh.. weeks?

That no matter how many times I think I "know" myself or those around me.. something new always happens and makes me wonder "Where did this all come from?"

It's all good.. don't get me wrong..

By the way, I'm sure most of the girls will be happy to hear.. I finally told Urs today that we're not rooming/bunking/sharing a place together.

I'd say she took it reasonably well. .It was pretty much me saying "I got things I gotta do.. and I can't say that I can wait for you. So you do what you have to do but I'm going to do my own thing"

And her response: silence..

So I guess that's not a bad thing.. she claims she knows that I need to do what's best for me.. and unlike her.. I didn't make any excuses..

Uh, work is going okay. I'm learning more about my new boss and all that..

It was a bit f'ed up about Becky.. Brian ended up hiring that stupid guy Josh to be his assistant. She was pretty upset about it.. but I tried to tell her it's a political thing.. AND.. she didn't want to be in 7-16 anyway.. so this really is a BLESSING! :)

On a personal note..

I am very excited for this weekend.. It's a girls/boy night on Friday.. UW Volleyball. .WAHOO! :)

Then we're doing dinner/drinks somewhere (on Alba none the less!) :)

Then Saturday.. it's off to get my hair 'did' (as justin would say). I'm not looking for too drastic a hair cut.. but I do want to be able to get the funky curl/layer thing fixed on the right side before NY..

Color.. it's about time I get around to getting it at least "evened" out :)

Then I might go see a movie or something w/ my friend Tony.. he's pretty cool.. and Amber, Chris & I might be going to see "Jarhead". I can't wait to see Jake G.. he's so bulked up!

And finally got that check in the bank.. so now gotta wait for funds to clear before I 'pay pay pay' out people.. and then BUY MY LAPTOP!!!

YAY!!! I could do cartwheels right now! :)

Ha ha.. have an awesome week everyone.. My boss is in NYC.. so I am 'scotch-free' this week.. til i gotta bust tail to go to NYC myself next week! :)

Wow..

2005-10-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while.. partly computer nazi.. partly I've been too busy since Thursday..

Last night was a trip...

I ended up going to work til about 2ish? Amber bailed on me for Kristy's party.. so I called her after work and we were chatting most of the way home.

*Disclaimer: I do love talking to everyone on the bus on the way home. It helps me not realize how much time has passed!*

Anyway, Amber & I talked for a bit.. and she said she was going to not go. I come home and start taking care of business (aka.. getting my oil changed; that kinda stuff).

I ended up talking to Phillip (who texted/called me earlier). He's the guy I used to go to jr high/high school with who kinda got all 'territorial' on me..

Anyway, it was a good conversation and we chatted about his roommate a bit, etc.

We ended up being a lil bit late on the way up to Brian's birthday dinner. Huy didn't go.. I felt bad for not taking him but he's been grouchy and withdrawing so I can't do anything about that.

Anyway, dinner was great.. we just rolled and laidback and had a good time. Some debate came up about my costume.. as to whether or not I'd wear mine (A ho outfit w/ lil clothes & now a garter I guess).

I was supposed to go to Kristy's bday thing after (i really wasn't feeling it; Josh did call me from Joanie's phone to ask if we were still on. I said sure).

My phone kept blowing up.. It was Urs.. she was just BAWLING her head off.. and so I called her back.. and she said her & KC got into it "again" and how.. "Was amber home?"

I kinda felt bad cause here I was, ready to tell her tonight that we weren't bunking together.. and she calls me in tears saying she can't take it anymore.

Then I felt like shit.. going "Wait, you didn't even want to talk to ME.. You wanted Amber.. but you know that I'm not going to give you her #"

Needless to say, it bothered me a bit.. although the strong lemon drop made that feeling fade for a hot second.

I came home at like 10:30 and called Joanie's (cause Josh told me to; he'd be over there). My heart was beating so fast thinking "What if Justin is nearby or answers?"

Pops answers.. and we chat for a second before he pops me to Joanie.. and she says "Josh went home; said he couldn't wait for you"

So then we started chatting.. she thanked me again for the M's tickets I had given her a while back.

Funny thing w/ that.. she told me Domenic was so impressed with them he was telling the 'boys' they should all buy some for next year. Thought in back of my mind: "Glad someone got to enjoy them and rave about how good they were so Justin knows".. and then other "So now if I do it again next year.. I might see them??" :(

Anyway, she filled me in on a bit of stuff about the Kids.. and their business, etc. I told her about my changes (from job to life to things I've learned).

The biggest bomb she dropped on me? Justin really did finally move out. He did last week.. so I guess I wasn't crazy when I could've sworn at my parents I saw his car & Ben's.. Although he's in Florida this week visiting Delano for Fright Night at Six Flags.

It wasn't the pain I thought I'd feel thinking of him living in a cool 'boys' pad. The only thing I felt was like distance.. and a feeling of "yea, I used to know him"

Nonetheless, the convo went for 4hrs.. I couldn't help but wonder.. was this a combo of two Geminis who haven't chatted.. or a true connection?

I can't think that way I know.. it only pains me. Plus I logged in this morning, saw a few pics of J & I really didn't feel anything.

What that tells me.. I really am over it. And the times I do miss.. are just that.. times.. memories.

Even when talking to his mom for hours last night.. I didn't feel the sadness I used to of "I wish that I could share that with him/them"

It was more of "I do miss hearing the funny stories she shares w/ me.. but I know we can't make this friendship last.. it's too weird.. for both of us I think"

And I was okay with that.. we got off the phone just saying "talk to you later".. meaning probably never or once in a blue moon but it was a good feeling.

Although I was exhausted this am.. so who knows how I'm going to make it through two parties!!!

I think back to bed for me! :(

Closing..

2005-10-27T19:53:00.000-07:00

I signed the papers today.. it's final. The house is no longer mine.

It was an odd experience as well as a good one. I think part of it was 'letting go of the past' and recalling the whole time when I was on the other end of the deal (buying).

I was freaked out to the 9's cause the lady was not a comforting one.. she was giving me bad information and all I thought was "How do *I* always get the weird ones?"

It was cool though cause I did end up getting a tiny bit more than I thought I was (not enough to really make me jump for joy though).

I guess the lesson I've learned today (to keep it short for you guys):

Sometimes it doesn't take much for you to realize how far you've come
A visit to the past isn't always bad (I saw Josh today; fish store josh for those who can't keep 'em straight)
Looking forward to being alone and single isn't bad either (I've finally embraced this)
Having girl time is one of the best ways for me to 'rejuvenate' myself :)

Call me a pollyanna right now.. but I am just content.. and heading into a very strong and busy weekend.. so it could turn into a LOT of things! :)

Try to post pics if I can.. :)

New York..

2005-10-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

It's finally happened...

I'm going to New York for work.

I am so thrilled. been talking about it all day; kinda feel wiped out! :)

Essentially I fly out on the 8th, land at like 4:30.. and am on my own (hopefully Brian will be available and will show me around). Then I work at Federated all day Wednesday and a little bit Thursday, leave NY at like 3?

Be home late Thursday night.. then I'm 'back to work' on Friday.. we'll see if that happens or not.

My new boss told me to 'wear a suit' both days.. I kinda want to but kinda feel like "Maybe I should be trendy too?" (Maybe not huh?)

I'm so stoked that I'm speechless!

AND.. house closing early.. Friday instead of Monday.. Could've closed Thursday but I can't go sign tomorrow so :(

Yay for change being good! :)

Motivation..

2005-10-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

I was at the gym tonight.. oh dear help me..

And I had to get back onto the "power 90" kick that Josh showed me .. and I thought it was good til about 20mins in...

I lost my drive and I wanted to step off SOO bad.. but I put my head down and kept at it.. and next thing I know.. it's been 45mins.. with over 4miles..

I stepped off it.. and thought my ass was going to light itself on fire..

Damn..

Good workout though!

As for update on the stupid boy bit.. he's still being his stupid self.. and so I decided I'm not going to have him on my 'list' anymore.

I thought about calling him and saying "Look.. what's going on?"

But now.. I'm not even going to do that.. and if he does message me and say shit, I'll say just say "Sorry homes.. you blew it. I'll talk but I'm not DYING to track you down anymore!"

On house front, signing papers this week.. YIPPIE!

Everything changes... again

2005-10-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

I know that my dear friends.. most of you are used to this by now but how my moods can change from one to the next...

Welcome to the zone again :)

I feel better.. I spent this afternoon w/ my sister & her boyfriend (who I couldn't stand before but now he's okay)

Here are the reasons why I'm happy:

I got lots of good advice about this "boy" that I've been trying to meet up with and realized.. I am done.. and I need to be if I have any doubts. He's not worth my time and I need to realize again why I don't let people walk over me
My Seahawks had the most awesome game .. and got me all excited about possibly going on Christmas Eve :)
I've realized that I am supposed to be signing papers this weeks to close my house (YAY.. YIPPEE!!)
Oregon Coast trip for girls only is being planned.. wahoo
Amber & I are going to Huskies women Volleyball game in a few weeks.. ha ha.. fun times.. Girl I am going to keep you out! :)
Halloween parties.. need I say more? Although I'm a bit nervous about going as a ho.. will i be ho-ish enough or have enough flat abs to compete? :(
Allison informed me there is talks of a 'family/siblings' Whistler trip in January (sorry Euni wish you were HERE!) :)

As you can see.. MANY things going on.. and yet here I was caught up on ONE loser guy who I haven't even had a 'real' date with yet..

So adios muchacho.. I'm back to being "Happy Julia" :)

I'm sad..

2005-10-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

Why does this keep happening to me?

I got stood up last night.. again by the same guy. He messaged me this am to say that he forgot his phone in the car.. and ended up going out to dinner w/ some friends.

I don't know why I'm so down by one person. That is not like me. Normally I am the one who says "Fine.. your loss"

I think I just need to stop thinking that anything is going to happen with this person.. and letting them keep hurting me (whether they realize it or not).

I jst don't know why sometimes when it comes to certain people.. i can't seem to not 'forgive' them.

It's almost as if I have a bullseye saying "please come hurt me!"

Even now, when he's trying to talk to me.. it all is coming across "lies lies lies lies". I don't believe him that he forgot his cell in his car.. or anything else.

I guess that tells me I'm over it.. I can't forget sitting there last night realizing he wasn't coming.. and being sad like "Why does this not surprise you?"

I am probably not in a good state of mind right now anyway (this morning) cause I am tearing up just typing this..

That I guess on some level even though I know we wouldn't have worked out.. It hit me last night I miss J.. so much I almost called him last night.

SEE?? Bad IDEAS!!

But I didn't.. and the urge has gone away..

Anyway, I just wanted to get it out.. hoping I'll get over it now.

Happy Football Sunday everyone...

Football Friday..

2005-10-21T23:00:00.000-07:00

I went to a Lakes (my alma mater) football game tonight..

It was good.. we stomped (and are undefeated!) I was actually impressed. Our record for the last 5 seasons? 50-3.. Now 51-3 :)

I ran into HJ Williams.. someone we used to go to school with. And we chatted for a little bit.. turns out he's married now and the friends he still knows all are too. I thought "So there is hope!" :)

Justin's name came up (he asked who I still knew of from HS).. he said same thing everyone's been (aka.. Justin's the same.. he's always been that way). It made me wonder.. am I a fool to ever have thought he was a nice guy?

Anyway, I've been feeling mixed feelings today.. Part of me has been feeling super high and up on the world..

The other half feels this nagging feeling that something isn't quite right..

I think I found out...

There's this guy I used to go to jr high/high school with. I didn't know him all too well but guess he remembers me?

Anyhoo..

He's been trying to holla at me.. and I guess I didn't view it as such (this is where people call me naive). I figured we're just talking as two people trying to re-acquaint.

So his roommate tries to "holla" at me.. aka "So are you two talking or just friends? cause I wanna get to know you better"

Needless to say, it's now this weird triangle thing.. and I'm upset cause I somehow am being made out to be a 'bad' person cause I'm not talking to either one (in my head).

Phillip messaged me all night and called me.. to say "you know, we're not really talking" and I finally went off (For those who know.. when I go off, watch out!)

I just said "look, i don't do the 'talking' bit.. i'm usually either with a guy or i'm not.. so this whole thing about whether i'm yours or not.. i don't play it. This isn't high school. You didn't walk me to my locker and now we're an item, ok?"

He got all upset and said "It's not that big of a deal" and i'm going "Yes it is.. otherwise, you wouldn't have brought it up right???"

BOYS!!!

Then I got another boy who's trying to meet up with me tomorrow but we'll see.. I've been wanting to hook up with him for a while so I do want to.. but don't want to be disappointed (again).

Urs spent most of the night talking about 'living' together.. when I told her fine.. I wanna do it like mid/early January.. she freaked out. Saying she can't afford it, etc.. and I pretty much held my ground saying "I know your situation but I can't wait til February"

I just feel weird.. like how do you tell someone that you aren't on the same page? From living together to some sort of 'relationship' they are wanting?

I guess I enjoy getting the flattery and all from Phillip but I don't see it going anywhere.. I barely know the guy.. and he's in TX.. I'm in WA. The last time I tried a Long distance thing.. it didn't work out and I swore never again.

I can't deny I feel a certain calm when I talk to him.. like he truly is listening and is wanting to be there for me. .at the same time, I think "Isn't he putting full court pressure on you though and he barely knows you?"

Sigh..

I can't win.. and as Becky put it "What do you do to these guys to make them fall for you without ever spending quality time with you?" And when I said "ha ha" she goes "No seriously".

I don't think I do anything.. I think men are visual creatures.. and they see a picture or me in person and think "I want to conquer that". It's human nature I think.. just like when we girls see a hot guy? We think "YUMMY!"

Anyway, I'll get off my soap box and off the puter.. since I've been getting yelled and booted off it all day (nice.. laptop how many more days??) :(

All nighter..

2005-10-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

I've been up for 37 hrs now.. I can't believe I'm still up (I think this tops euni & i's marathon a while back this year).

I was on the phone w/ Phillip a guy who I used to go to jr high/high school with. Funny thing is he remembers so much about me.. and me not so much.

I feel bad he's so into me (outright told me how smitten he is) and yet I'm sitting here going "dude, i barely uh.. know you?"

To make matters worse, he knows Justin.. and goes "Oh yea, he was way cool guy" and me wanting to go "yeah.. uh.. not so much"

anyway, long and short. .he wants to come up to visit (was going to anyway for New Yr's but now has more reason). Asked me to be his 'date' but said he'd wait to see how next few months went (Uh oh?)

Anyway.. it's funny how things come out when you talk to other people.. Turns out Kristy (girl who was supposedly wanting to get to know me again) has been talking to Justin.. not that it's any of my business.. but it annoys me she is.. and hasn't said a single word to me about it.. and that she's telling Phillip (oh yea, justin says hi and all that).. and me going "So you stand me up.. talking to my ex and can't even talk to me?"

He seems really sweet and got his shit together.. Isn't afraid to compliment me but I can't shake fact that something intrigues me about him.

Meanwhile I got a potential meet up with the guy I've been trying to for months.. he bailed for tomorrow night (in a way, this works out. I didn't want to be all stressed for time).

So we're talking about Saturday night but we'll see.. part of me has feeling he's going to go "I'm wiped from Huskies game tailgating all day".. sorry babe :(

either way. More fish on my plate to fry right now.. I need to stay focused. Finished up 1st week on job (today was hell being on ZERO sleep.. thanks flip!)

But all in all.. life keeps throwing curves.. I keep trying to dodge and hang on! :(

Whew..

2005-10-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

Wow.. so I go from 0-300 posts in nothing.. then stop! :)

Sorry.. been way swamped..

I barely have time now to write this inbetween writing Becky's review (how bad is it that I don't have much time to write about her?? They set it up that way on purpose!) :(

Euni is getting some changes in her life.. for the better!

Amb ~ you know I am here for you girl.. rain or shine.. day or night.. well unless I'm sleeping :)

New job is getting a bit better altho a bit slow paced for quick girl like myself..

Seems like my day is only going to be slow slow..

my bro jst scared crap out of me.. he wants me off now. boo.. i can't wait to get my own laptop! ;(

#300...

2005-10-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe this is post #300.. but it is what it is.

Where do I start?

I started the new 'gig' today. Can I say how upset I was that I got nothing accomplished today? I had to start by trying to copy over my old mail file.. cause unlike Outlook.. you have to export & import in order for your files to follow you.

In the midst of all of this, I discovered, some programs were revoked from me (including internet access).

IT took til noon to come over and fix it.. meaning = julia got no work done.

My first day in the new job.. felt worthless.. what a way to start my "monday".

The nice thing is.. the day flew by pretty quickly. It only took me about 10mins to pull my selling.. when it used to take me about 1-1/2 hrs on a good day.

I was just frustrated feeling worthless.. and feeling like I didn't know my new boss well enough to joke around.. and that everyone over in the new area.. talks a LOT.. and it made me miss my old area.

Sure we chatted up a bit.. but we never did this.. it was literally non-stop like BIRDS.. for at least an hour.

I wanted to go "SHUT UP!"

Then to add to the insult, Becky was having a 'julia' moment.. aka.. boyfriend & her split. .she's heartbroken.. on an hour of sleep.. can't get over it.

Remind you of anyone??

If not, go back 299 posts and read the first one! :)

I felt bad cause I could 'relate' to it.. too close for my comfort. I also have to write her review this week.. How can I tell someone to "hang in there" when I barely did by a thread??

Also, I talked to Amber on the phone and realized that a life changing story for someone we used to know.. may change mine.

I started tearing up on the bus hearing her tell me the sad story.. and it made me wanna go "You know.. I need to take things seriously and not let time pass me by without telling someone I care.."

I'm not going to become MORE serious.. cause you guys know.. I'm not cool that way! :) I like myself just as I am.. I just need to be more vocal about my feelings I think (aka.. warm fuzzy feelings).

So I went and worked out (It's 830 now; I just walked in about an hour or so ago). My sis in law decided she wanted to chat up a storm (joy for me!)

I came out of the gym.. and had 2 voicemails.. One from Amber.. (Yes.. we can kick it Saturday.. looking forward to it).. and one from Urs..

Amber will enjoy this one..

I don't know why I bother.. she calls me and leaves this snotty message "where are you at? I'm trying to get in touch w/ you before KC comes home" (First off, she talked to me AS I was walking into the gym locker room.. I told her I had to go. Secondly, I'm sorry that I'm not available when you want me.. so you get all snotty!)

Surprise, surprise.. she was calling to .. wait.. wait.. CANCEL!

Made some sob story up about how she's got to study for her test.. but tomorrow and Wednesday, her & KC are 'running errands' and she won't be able to study.. It made me so mad.. and then to top it all off.. the last sentence was "I hope you're not mad"

How many times do I keep letting her cancel and bail on me?? ENDLESS!!

So I finally decided I'm not going to call her back (like she asked) or answer when she calls.. I need some cooling off time.

I also decided, apartment living is back to room for 1.. I can't deal w/ this drama now.. how do I think I'll deal w/ it if she say.. can't afford her half cause KC needed something??

Amber.. you're supposed to be the Guardian of "julia.. stop!"

Sigh.. anyway, it's 8:30 now and I still haven't eaten dinner.. going to be a long night :(

Damn I feel old...

2005-10-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I spent with Amber.. we went and saw "The Fog" (Tom Welling.. sigh.. not too good of an actor in this movie though. I was waiting for him to go "Lana! don't!" :)

Anyway, one thing that we felt in agreement with was "Damn.. It's been a long time since we've been to a PG-13 movie."

Now we know why..

The median age group in Lacey/Olympia area appears to be about 14.. so we were surrounded by loud, immature teenagers and couldn't have felt more out of place.

The movie ended and we go outside.. where all the kids are just 'hanging' out. I felt pretty good to say this loud and clear.

"I'm so glad that we're leaving this place and I know that of all the people here.. *I* can go to the bar!" :)

I know I shouldn't knock 'em for doing something 'half way' decent on a Saturday night and not out there up to no good.

Guess it just hit home even more.. Life has changed.. Amber has a daughter.. I feel married to my job.. and life is just spinning by..

Now instead of talking about which boys are cutest.. we're talking about how we're going to find time to get our homes clean and workouts in.

At the same time, I don't think I'd want to go back to that time. Sure sometimes I think "Could I make my life different now if I was this way back then?"

Then I think.. I don't wanna know.. I like me and my life now.. so why would I go tweaking something.. and not know how it'll change my future??

"Be happy with what you have.. it's all you can bank on"

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel... is that a train?

2005-10-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

I spent my half day Friday yesterday taking care of some more house stuff..

Nothing is perfects still but at the same time, I see it getting CLOSER to being completed (i hope!)

I also spent an hour on the phone last night with this one guy who won't go away. It's interesting how you can see your own life when someone else is whining about theirs.

It's someone I so regret ever talking to on the phone cause now it's this weird "Don't answer bit".. aka.. he blew up my phone one night about 6 times within 3hrs?

He's just uh.. ghetto? And reminds me of Brad now that I got to know him a bit better (to my girls who know: RUN!)

It's a "Everything is someone else' fault.. and every other word is fuck out of his mouth".

Me going "Why would I want to know this person?"

And when I told him last night how not all guys were dogs.. he said "Good luck with that. 9 out of 10 are"

And I said I disagreed.. men CAN be dog-ish.. but that's to say every girl is psycho (I know I'm not!)

Anyway, once again.. thanks for the reminder of why I'm single.. I only attract crazies to me lately!

New beginnings..

2005-10-14T05:31:00.000-07:00

So today marks the end of an era..

My 'reign' in Girls 7-16 is swiftly coming to a close.. If you asked me 3mos ago, if I thought this was all going down; I would've told you to fuck off and how loony you were.

Now my old boss is no longer my boss but a distant mentor (i feel bad for hounding him at his new job).. my current/new boss is not someone I like.. and my new boss (on Monday) is someone I barely know.

FUN STUFF!

At the same time, I am excited to start over.. the other assistants have already come over & said "we can't to have you start!" and me going "Thanks (what is her name again damnit??)"

On the flip side, I am sad to be leaving Carly & Becky.. Carly has always been a good friend.. based on we work closely together and in some way, I know she's picking my brain a lot for info.

Becky is my 'protege' that i've been grooming to become/replace me.. and it's sad the whole situation is playing out... BUT.. she's becoming stronger for it (I can see it in her eyes.. she's got a competitive side).

Her exact words yesterday were "I wanna see the new girl.. I wanna know if I could take her?"

(Sound familiar?) :)

Anyway, it should be an interesting day today.. Brian and gang were going to take me out to lunch but then my agent called.. Gotta go take care of house stuff.. and I can't justify not doing it when house is getting ready to be closed (hopefully SOON!)

Hope everyone has a good Friday! :)

I think I'm going to cry...

2005-10-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

So my 'team' surprised me this morning w/ a card & bagels as a going away thing since my last day is tomorrow / them.

The one who almost made me cry was Brian's (they got him to sign it).. It says:

"julia, i could not be more proud of you or excited! You will do great and I am sure someday soon I will work for you. Good luck, brian"

They were also planning to take me out to lunch tomorrow (brian, becky, carly, sidira & possibly the new girl). What is funny is how becky & carly tried to make it a surprise but i caught an email between them two.

I feel more touched here than I ever did the four years at Unisource.. where my goodbye was "goodbye; see ya".

Sometimes I think I don't realize how much you come to care for those people you work with.. or people you have in your lives.. until they do something that you didn't expect..

I'm feeling a bit sappy now and unmotivated.. since I did everything last night.. but at the same time, I now do feel ready to 'take on the world' and as Brian would say "Kicking ass and taking names"...

Damnit.. I forgot to take names! :)

Apartment Hunting...

2005-10-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

The last few days.. have been occupied by me frantically trying to figure out apartments..

The ways things used to be when *I* rented (at least 2yrs or more ago) were way different than they are now.

It's also hard trying to look not knowing if someone is going to be living with you or not. I did the math and it is a difference of $300/mo I would save if this person moved in with me. But I also don't want to end up being miserable and then being unhappy to save $300/mo.

I have to say.. I'm excited.. nervous.. anxious. I know it'll all come together when it's all meant to.

I am looking forward to having my own space and closet (maybe even a walk in one if I'm really really good!)

Career stuff is starting to wrap up nicely.. I spent most of today getting my desk cleaned up and even cleaned out my sample closet! :)

I'm hoping with the 'new' girl starting tomorrow.. that things will go smoothly. I'm still gunning for Becky and doing all I can to get her caught up on things I do now.

I tried going to talk to Brian but he was busy.. and his new ET was staring at me a bit too hard for my comfort. Funny thing is.. he had a class with Becky today (this new ET) and she was telling him how much she likes me and how I teach her so much. And he pipes in with "I really like her too"

Becky said it was all she could do not to bust him one.. I've never said one word to the guy. I told her it's probably Brian going "Julia's my old assistant and is awesome" and it makes him think he knows me.

I miss BM.. I think sometimes more than I think. It's knowing I can't come over & shoot the "shit" without it coming off as "why is she over here?" but in all things in life.. sometimes you gotta learn to let go and let them move on.

Say it isn't so..

2005-10-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

On nip/tuck last night.. the episode ended with the Carver attacking a victim who lied saying she was attacked by him to get sympathy.

With next week's episode, they were arresting Christian saying he killed her and he is the Carver.

I don't want to believe it.. can't deny though some things add up.

Fact that he didn't get cut in the face (like the balance of victims did), Fact that when he was examined he had no signs of a rape. Fact he has access to all the drugs, etc to knock someone out.

I just don't want to believe it.. EW reported that we will know who the Carver is by episode 5 (which I think is next week).

He's such a hottie.. I don't wanna believe he can have that in him!

Mentoring..

2005-10-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

I just spent an hour and a half on the phone with my protege (I hate to use that word but none other is good).

I feel so protective and positive about this girl it scares me. I feel almost as if she is me a year and a half ago and I am BM.

I have truly done nothing but give her more info from my brain than I think I've given anyone ever (about my job of course).

I want to see her succeed and I want to see her become better than me (isn't that the ultimate goal that the person you train is better than you someday?)

I'm frustrated at how the management is handling her/my situation. I am leaving my current world (Girls 7-16) this Friday. My current boss called me today from LA to say that she hired a new person to start this Thursday.

It was a rash decision to strictly fill a hole. This person is external (like I was) but has no buying experience at all (A huge strike since I did have the experience at least).

This has hurt Becky's feelings.. and it has made her feel worthless.

So she called me to vent a bit and to share with me that she's feeling insecure and worried about what this means.

I tried to tell her how big of a fan I am of hers (and how this means a lot since I don't typically shout from rooftops how awesome anyone is). I also tried to help her understand that sometimes it could be the best thing that she didn't get this job.. to be honest, I loved my job.. even though it was so demanding.. cause I loved having BM as a boss.

Take BM out, add SS in .. and I think you got a bad combination of misery.

She said she felt better and was glad to know I was still going to gun for her (I'm going to write her a raving review before I go Friday).

I am just a bit worried that due to my career moves, they're going to hold her back.. and I don't think that's fair.. I think she's going to someday be someone I would hire for an assistant in a heartbeat.. and want to promote her as quickly as possible.

She's quick.. smart, social.. and I think that she gets it more now than I ever did when I was 2mos into the company (I also didn't have a mentor) :)

Anyway, just had to vent about that.. I'm glad to be at a position to be someone's mentor.. I also feel like it's something that I've been ready for and now can prove I can do it. I just hope that I can help her get there.

...

2005-10-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

Man.. I am tired.

I went and worked out super hard last night. this whole "Pimps & Hos" party is starting to become a huge thing.

My brother had the fire going SOO hot that I couldn't sleep at all..

The great news is the two teams I wanted to win did.. Steelers (in dramatic fashion altho I think they lost their QB) and Angels (ha ha.. bye bye New York!)

I'm glad to get through this week though.. today my coworkers are taking me out to lunch to 'celebrate' my new job. I'm a bit nervous about it.. I need to go talk to my new boss today and figure out what's going on (aka.. should I be prepped for on monday am).

Overall, things are going smoothly though.. not too much exciting news to report.. it's life i guess.

Apartment hunting is going interesting but I'm also excited about having my own place and all the amentities again for a bit.. before I go back to home owning..

Have a good day! :)

House news..

2005-10-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

So I just got a call from my agent about my inspection..

The buyers want me to do all this stupid little crap.. and he thinks I SHOULD do it.. which annoys me. It made me realize I'm not going to give him continued business from now on..

Essentially the two things I agree that we should fix would be that I guess a shingle or two blew off the further TOP of the house above the attic (A-line type house) and they want that replaced.

Plus I guess the siding on one side of the house is a bit wore down due to weather.. (not my control).

Things that will cost me $$ out of my pocket but I'm willing to do it cause I agree that it's something that would make me walk away from a deal if they wouldn't give in.

The minor stuff that's making me mad?

They want me to do nut & bolts type stuff here & there.. things that are like $2 to do at Home depot.. and I told my agent.. I know it's not the $$.. it's the fact that it takes time to do.. and that makes the closing date SLOWER..

AND..

They want a 2nd inspection.. so that means that the payoff date I gave my bank yesterday? Probably not right.. and guess what? I had to pay $60 just to get them to fax it to me.. SO..

I'm a wee bit annoyed.. I know it's not a fast process but I guess I'm also feeling like my agent isn't working FOR me.. instead he's just trying to get it 'done'.. :(

Date..

2005-10-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

So I went on a date last night.. BAD!!!

The guy said he was 5'7".. no he was more like 5'6" or 5'5".. cause even when I was flat footed.. i was a bit taller than him..

Then he did the "Ooh, let me stroke your arm" bit..

Anyway, lesson learned: Don't be excited about dates quite yet.. They've all been bombs!

Halloween..

2005-10-08T10:23:00.000-07:00

I was updated last night that I am now involved in TWO Halloween parties (I think one is falling out so this is good to have a 'backup' plan :)

It's costume only (yay.. only way I'd have it).. So now I am stuck.. do I:

a) Wear the same one I wore last yr? It's cute, I already have all the stuff.. BUT the memories are bad involving it?
b) Wear the "Jill Valentine" from Resident Evil that no one gets.. even when I go into full detail?
c) Wear the "bad schoolgirl" outfit which would be very SEXY! And easy to put together?

Thoughts??

Birthday dinner..

2005-10-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

So last night was my sister Anna's 28th birthday (surprise) dinner..

I got home at about 3:30-4pm.. and decided that I was going to wear a dress (girlie) to her party since I'm always the 'boyish' one.

I jump on myspace and the one guy Ryan who seemed really cool from Issaquah is online. He tells me he doesn't talk much, etc online.

So I called him.. and we chatted for about an hour. (BTW ~ I'm confessing I had to add unlimited tmob to tmob this month cause I'm already at 630mins out of 1000 and I still have 2wks left!)

It was a good conversation and resulted in me being about quadruple booked tonight (oops?)

So we head out towards Belltown, and end up first ones there. I realize I had nothing to eat all day but a bagel from nordstrom's (BOO.. STARVING!)

The dinner went well; she was really surprised and happy to see us. Somehow I ended up promising to help her get her Kate Spade purse and even chip in a little bit (I'm thinking like $75 tops).

During dinner, 20yr old boy texted me.. saying "What are you doing tonight. Come over." Me saying "I got a bday dinner.. sorry".

Anyway, so we ended up not going out after dinner since it seemed it wasn't going to be anything but barhopping and I rode w/ Huy & crew anyway.

I was trying to be funny outside the restaurant and write a sexy note for Odum to leave on his car door.. but he busted me cause he came out too soon (ha ha).

Anyway, on way home.. I passed OUT. I was exhausted from being up til midnight thursday night.. then up at 5:30am for work.. then partying til 10pm downtown.

So when we got home.. I literally fell into bed. Took off my dress, washed face, contacts out, fell into bed (about 11pm).

At 1:30am, my phone goes off.. it's Ryan (Issaquah boy). The text says "Get down girl, go ahead get down"

**Explanation: I had told everyone that I was going out dancing & celebrating my sis' bday. So they all figured I was up**

So I messaged him back I was in bed and tired, etc..

So what does he do? He calls me.. normally I would be so annoyed but I guess I feel like with him.. he can get away with more cause he's a fellow Gemini :)

Anyway, we're chatting and my phone is just BEEPING at me.. and I look at it.. and it's flashing text messages are in my inbox. So I asked him if he sent me any before he called me.. cause I can't get 'em without hanging up. He says no.. so I think "Who would be texting me this late at night?"

He tells me he'll call me right back.. his sis is calling in.

I check the texts?

Jake (20yr old) and Brandon (22yr old).. and both of 'em are "whatcha doing?"

Back of my mind.. I'm going "Ok.. it's 2am now.. and you guys are drunk, horny, whatever.. Do not drunk dial or text me.. I'm not the one!"

So Jake got mad cause he wanted me to 'come over' at 2am.. I said no way.. He was like "Just come over" .. aka.. he wanted a booty call. I wasn't having it!

Anyway, so Ryan calls me back.. and we end up chatting til 4am.. Keep in mind. I am EXHAUSTED and battling a cold.. and yet I'm up til wee hours chatting w/ him.

So we briefly talked about what we would do if we hung out tonight.. aka.. go for drinks, or hang out do what?

Didn't get a good resolution but I guess we'll see how it goes..

Also, I managed to learn how to customize my myspace site a bit.. makes me happy.. so going to try to give it a shot on here too

I have another post to make but I'll do it when I am done responding to the gazillion messages/things I have to do :)

Later ...

Did we switch lives??

2005-10-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, so lately it appears that Eunice & I have flipped lives.

As in, I'm getting all the weirdos and scrubs and she's doing fine for herself.

So what the deal-io?

I think it's that giving off the "I might be interested in playing" vibe.

Today was another crappy day at work. It's gone nowhere but downhill since BM left. It sucks :(

My 'new' boss (who's only my boss for 2 more days since she's in LA next week and only back for 2 days before I leave) was grating my nerves this morning like nothing else.

To sum it up, she sends me an email asking me to clarify something.. and I responded when I booted up. Then she turns around and without reading her email, starts talking to me about it.

Question of day: Why bother emailing someone to ask them to follow up.. then to only make them "rework" it by talking about it.. again??

Sigh.. at least I only have a few more days with her.. then I'm "done".

Happy Friday!

Tonight is Belltown w/ my family & maybe clubbing.. although I just found out that I'm riding up w/ my brother's friend who has a minivan and married with 4kids.. Odds are?? No clubbing.. we're going to be home by 9pm..

BORING~!

Games, games and .. wait for it.. more games!

2005-10-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

I can't believe the way things have been going lately..

Btw, when I go to blog my edits above are missing (colors, fonts, etc) :(

So I had a long bus ride home tonight to think about things.. aka.. the fact that some people seem to love to play games (translation = all the guys i'm now meeting)

From guys who outright chase me.. then stop talking to me once I respond

From guys who don't chase me.. and then start talking to me once I stop talking to them

From guys who just don't even care either way.. and act like they could care less..

I am DONE! SO DONE! It's so stupid.. They say women play games but have you ever stopped to think MAYBE.. we're trying to keep up with y'alls games??

I'm not a man hater.. but I just realized tonight.. I think men play more than women. .and then blame it on us.

So once again, this girl is benched. I'm not even going to talk to 'em anymore. They all seem to have something going on that's weird.

So peace out boys!

Frustration..

2005-10-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

I had a really good conversation this morning with someone but realized that i'm a wee bit frustrated..

Frustrated at why people say one thing.. but do another.

Why people don't stand up for themselves but then expect you to not be upset?

I should probably not even blog about it.. but I guess I just sometimes feel like i wish I could get people to see the light on certain situations they are blinded to.

For whatever reason.. love, lust, money, etc.

Sigh.. but I guess that would make me God in some way..which I'm not.

Does this mean they had sex??

2005-10-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

So I came home and flipped on the TV.. what do I see as the 'headliner' news??

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes are prego!

And me going "Wait.. I thought he was semi-gay?"

LOL.. I know we all wished that he wasn't but I think some of it makes sense.

I hope that if they are truly pregnant that they a) hurry up and get hitched b) make it work

I guess it's weird to imagine those two having sex.. for some reason.. maybe cause they don't look 'right' together.

And he seems so 'grabby' at her in the photos and in public.. and she's more "eeh.. back away Tom!"

Or maybe I'm just jealous cause Brad Pitt moved on so quickly.. and not onto me :)

Happy...

2005-10-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

Today seemed to start out like any other day (Nip/tuck so good last night.. i think i was right. it's the new surgeon huh? he's the carver!)

Anyway, I was feeling a bit tired.. and groggy.

I am on the bus heading into work.. happen to look out the window.. and what do I see??

A husky mix type dog (so weird in color; never seen before), sticking his head out the window, ears up.. happy to just be in a car on a ride breathing the fresh air.

It brought such a huge smile to my face and all I could think of is "Yes, that's how simple life is."

It made me suddenly happy and grateful for everything I have.. and everything I will have someday.

I feel like that dog.. all I want to do is be able to laugh and smile and breath the fresh air that has been brought back into my life.

And it has kept me on this high.. even now when I'm in a four hour class that is for newbies in the company (a bit insulting but what can ya do?) :)

I just may have to have a toast tonight.. NOW I'm ready to celebrate the job promotion! :)

So thanks to the guy in the green Jetta w/ the dog.. you totally rocked my world today!

Tuesday morning..

2005-10-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

I have nothing insiteful to say today.. I feel like just 'me' today.

No major realization last night or this am (cept once again, myspace sucks cause the maintenance is being done on it.. so I can't check my email til tonight! Sucks cause I can see I have about 10 new msg's but can't get 'em out?)

Something I have realized though the last few days/weekend.. was that sometimes.. when I let stuff go (people, situations, etc). It does one of two things for me..

1) It helps me move on
2) It helps me see what I've been ignoring (people who ARE there for me, etc).

I think sometimes I get caught up on what I *don't* have. And I know that's horrible to say or think but I'm so 'go go go' that I just don't realize it.

Is my life where I thought it would be from a year ago? Heck no.. is it where I'm meant to be though? Probably..

A year ago, I couldn't imagine my life without Justin. We were so smitten and giddy about each other and I thought "This guy is it! I can't believe I found him!"

Now? I can't imagine even talking to the guy.. let alone possibly seeing him around town or in a bar. Not cause I hate him or anything.. just things have changed and now he's foreign to me.

The people who are here for me now aren't people I've imagined having in my life.. and sometimes it scares me.. it makes me wonder "What else in my life is going to 180 before the year is up?"

But on the same note.. I love the changes.. It keeps me "on my toes" and it keeps me excited to look at the future.

I used to be so scared (not admit it of course) if I didn't 'plan' stuff out.. one thing I took from Justin is how to 'not plan' and to let stuff fall sometimes where they will (weekend plans and so forth).

I always still have a 'grand plan' but not necessarily planned to a "T" like I used to (when I was with him).

So I guess I did learn a thing or two from him.. how to not be so cold.. and how to relax ;)

October 14th..

2005-10-03T04:53:00.000-07:00

I logged into myspace this bright & early am (don't know WHY my body woke me up at 4am but I'm thinking I was a bit scared to oversleep the alarm!)

Anyway, I had about freaking 15 new messages (some from friends, some from freaks).

Kristy msg'd me with headline "Brian".. so I open up. I guess he called her and wants to come 're-acquainte' with some ppl on the 14th of October. I wanna say Amber & I already had plans for volleyball or something?

She's all "we'll play cards at my house.. bring josh, etc" and i'm going "hmm.. do I really want to try to get in w/ the people who i used to not really kick it with?"

Josh i'm cool with.. but not trying to be his new bff (as he seems to want me to be).
Kristy who wants me to be HER new bff (who i'm not sure that i can even be a good friend to)
Brian (who used to make fun of me back in school and never talked to me; but since married w/ kids so maybe he's changed)

My other fear is.. who else is going to come out?

So I'm asking a HUGE favor.. AMBER!!!! Will you come with me if I go? PUH-LEASE???

Mini reunion

2005-10-02T03:32:00.000-07:00

So tonight was night I went to hang out with Kristy. Someone I hadn't seen or much talked to since really junior high.

It was kinda weird cause she has put on a lot of weight (I never would've recognized her at all).

We spent a good amount of time talking.. she mentions this to me.. "Chris Staab is coming back this fall" and i'm going "OMG.. I'm going to die."

He was this really hot guy who in 9th grade up and moved away (military fam). He ended up going to Westpoint and now wants to come back to area. I'm going "PLEASE do!" (he's still single) although I wouldn't mind just getting to know him again.

She told me some things that I didn't know or maybe already did and vice versa.

So then we go to pick up her son's stepmom (I know.. weird huh?) to go to this party. We have to make all these pitstops and whatnot. During one of the pitstops, my phone rang. 20yr old.. he's like "hey.." and I go 'hey" and he goes "whatcha doing?" and i said "going to play some cards".. then I got "oh shoot.. i called the wrong person" (Uh huh sure).. "My buddy has a similar # but with 226 instead of 229.. (i'm sure that the end digits & area code are same too, right!)

So then he's like "Oh, well have fun tonight honey" and I laughed and said bye. (So cute that he tried the "I made the wrong dial just cause i wanted to call you")

Then we finally get to the house.

Well the problem was..

It was like an oldschool "snoop" house party. I had no idea it would be. I felt SOO out of place.

There was weed going, rap blasting and people playing dominos.

I'm going "Okay.. who in this room does not belong?" (clue: me)

So then we go to get josh.. and we're a bit late (cause of her). She's all nervous and tells me I have to go get him. He comes out and he's like "Let's go". I ask where the other guys are. He says they're inside.. smoking. And I go "not cigs?" and he goes "nope".. Can I say how I am disappointed it seems a lot of ppl do that around me and I never knew it??

So at least with Josh there, I feel a BIT more comfortable. We stop for a quick fastfood bite.. and then head to the house.

Well her family has showed up.. including her older mean (bully) sister Cheryl. So I tentatively say hi, whatever. The only word I could use to describe her? *DERRTY* And not in a good way.

I know women who've had kids deserve a break.. but she looked like she'd been around block a few times and then some.. drugs probably, etc.

Well she stares at me.. and goes "I remember your sister.. I saw her like a few years ago.. And you look like a combo of both your sisters.. and I LOVE your oldest sister.. she's so nice!"

*Awkward pause from me*

Finally, they start drinking. I made a vow to NOT drink since I knew that I didn't know these people. I was mad at myself for not having my ride (left it at Kristy's pad). Josh & I were the only two weren't taking hits of weed.. OR.. shots of hard alki out of the bottle.. I've never seen that before in my LIFE!

So finally I'm getting annoyed like "Ok.. no cards?"

Kristy busts out with "So the guys were all asking about you.. saying that you are hot, etc" and I looked at her like "hmm" and she goes "I told them they're too young for you"

So this one guy Rob seemed to take a liking to me.. spent most of night talking to me about being from NY, etc.

Funny thing is, I don't think he realizes I don't date guys who sell weed.. nor guys who brag about how much $$ they make. Two strikes there buddy..

Anyway, most everyone left.. it's not just me, josh, kristy and her friend leanne. We're finally playing cards.

So what happens? My cell goes off.. a text. I'm thinking "Oh, must be euni". It's my 20yr old. Texting me to say "My parents are out of town if you wanna come over later" and I'm thinking "Okay.. you got it BAD!"

Twice in one night.. he's called me, then messaged me. As Kristy put it, how did you go from being you to honey overnight?

Anyway, Kristy got kinda drunk.. and she was inviting me to all these family trips and girl weekend trips.. and i'm going "ok. that's cool but i don't really want to be your new BFF?"

She invited me to vegas next october for her bday (not this one cause her gf is prego). I said "I'm not sure. Might be buying a house so I can't say that I want to be spending that dough" and she's like "I'll pay your way" .. so I said "Sure.. can I invite euni?" :)

I invited her to our tentative Chelan trip.. the good news? Her parents are LOADED (U should see their house.. who has an underground yearround pool in their backyard??)

She said she has fam over in Chelan.. we could probably stay for free .. and she can take her parents boat.. Bayliner something..

I'm going "Huh.. interesting how she's so willing to be my new bff"

Then we finally left at like 230.. and she says she's dropping me off and then going to get her son. Spends a good 5mins (with josh & her friend in backseat) saying that I can call her.. she doesn't do much.. we can hang, etc.

I said sure, whatever.. i'll hear from ya soon..

It was really good to see her.. don't get me wrong. I think sometimes people just want a 'friend' and someone who knows their background.

My only concern was the whole party vibe. I'm not there to be the new piece of meat.. I'm not there to be around pot & drinking all night (if I were, I'd go to a bar!)

But maybe if we had some time without the party scene.. who knows?

I also dropped Josh off (to save her the drive) and apologized to him about how I've dissed him recently (due to Justin).

He said he understood but I said I didn't feel right about it but now I don't care. So he asked me to go hang out tomorrow .. he's so funny.

He did share some more news about Justin.. how him & Domenic almost got into a huge brawl over .. you guessed it.. softball (again). So he said for sure, Justin is not going to play with them next season either.

Kinda sad but you know.. not my place to care anymore. I would go to a game if asked.. not alone but I would go.

My lesson I've learned tonight: People do change.. sometimes *I* do change.. and what seemed concrete yesterday may not be today.

My 2nd lesson (sorry for LONG blog): In talking to Odum today, I learned how good and happy my life is right now. I was laughing and joking around. .and I thought "This is the REAL julia.. Why have I not let the real me out?"

So my new view on life is.. It's good.. and nothing and no one is going to stop me from enjoying all the hard work I've put into my life to make it to this point.

Subject to Inspection..

2005-10-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

The good news of the day is that I accepted the counteroffer that was given to me today.

It's not going to be as good as the deal I originally was offered but I figured I'm better off to lose $5K than to lose the whole deal.

If I was getting lots of offers & fights.. then I'd be open to be more willing to walk away.

Since the market has slowed considerably and we have been getting more calls but no offers until the last 2.. I'm not willing to take the risk.

I have to sign the papers tomorrow. I'm making Boyd come down to Tacoma area to meet up with me. I want to make him work a little bit :)

I told him it's "football" sunday so he's like "oh okay.. so about 2pm then?" and I wanted to go "Or we could've done it sooner?"

*big sigh*

So for now, until inspection is over.. I'm holding my breath!

20yr old..

2005-10-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know this is kinda funny.. yet kinda not.

I ended up hanging out with one of my friends that I met on myspace. I've been talking to him for a while and seems cool, whatever. No dead bodies laying around his place.

The problem? He's 20..

And he acted 20. From his shyness to how he was trying to be discreet (but failing miserably). Staring at me while I watched the movie we were to watch.

It was cute but at the same time, I felt like I was a dirty person for even hanging out and being there.

He was cute in that puppy dog kinda way.

Anyway, it was fun.

Tonight might be poker night at Kristy's .. I know I should just go and get the initial meeting over with.

I feel bad cause she called Josh (has a HUGE crush on him) and he asked how she got his #. She said me. He said the following:

Josh:Hoo-lia huh? She don't return my calls.

Kristy: From what Julia's told me; she's looking out for your best interest and so please know it's not you.

Josh: She's hella cool and my homie. I don't care what people say or think about it.

So now I have to say I think I agree. I am losing out on someone to hang out with and do things.. because of "justin".. well you know what? Last I checked, Justin & I are not friends.. (his choice) and he was never the 'king' of me to tell me who I could & couldn't see anyway.

So I decided last night.. that I am going to be friends with Josh again. Tired of living my life so that 'if' justin came back.. we could be okay.

No, now I live my life to where if Justin came back. I can throw it in his face that this is who I am.. deal with it.

I'm putting it on the record (Start the tape).. that we are never getting back together. He was fun at one point in my life but I've moved on and grown up. I don't think he ever will. I'm sad about that but I can't change facts.

I am still waiting to hear back about the house as well.. we countered yesterday and had another offer on table out there waiting for it.. so we'll see. Good to have options but always fearful to kick back a deal you know?

I'm so sad...

2005-09-30T14:03:00.000-07:00

So I was on myspace goofing around.. and found a person who I went to elementary school with.

So we chatted a bit..

Guess what she shared?

Her sister ran into Justin a few months back and he asked for her #. Kristy's #. And I kinda felt like "oh, okay"then.. she tells me how it wasn't like that. Justin & her used to be friends back in school. So i just say nothing.

She mentions that justin didn't know that it was her sister's house. .he came with one of her 'friends'.

I casually say "It's hard to know when someone you've dated moves on" and she goes "I agree"

I felt upset like "The bastard moved on only months after we split? No wonder he hasn't ever returned my calls!"

And then I felt cheap.. like "You thought he loved you.. he never did".. and all the angry feelings came back.

I felt sick.. so I called amber.. she tried to remind how much YESTERDAY i was telling her all the things about J i can't stand.. the 'mommy' issues of having her do his bills, laundry & whatnot..

At the same time, when is it ever a good time to hear your ex has moved on and is apparently happy without you?

As I sit on the verge of a new job/promotion, possible house selling and so on.. I still am holding onto him??

Someone SLAP ME UPSIDE THE HEAD... PLEASE!!!

Oh my.. GOD!

2005-09-29T17:40:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this.. I'm still all red in the face about it..

First news of day:

Got another offer.. BUT they want me to pay closing up to 9K and they only offered me my original asking price ($260K). Which means in reality, they are getting my house for $250K (sorry, can't do this).

So then I gotta deal with that in the morning. I'm going to counter with that I will pay for up to 7K in closing but they are going to have to offer me at least 265K and that way they are getting closing but in reality, I'm only giving them 2K.. See what happens.

On the job front.. I am about to DIE!!!!

So yesterday I felt bad cause someone else internally applied for the same job I was. One that I figured they wouldn't get it and I'd get offered both.

HR called me after hours.. to tell me that I got the 2nd job (which is also good) and that I start the 13th. The surprises of the day..

The person who I "lost" to is someone who wasn't overqualified than me.. it was a political decision
I got more $$ but that doesn't mean anything to me end of day if I'm not getting the one I wanted
I didn't have to interview with their bosses..

I'm logging off now.. Gotta go rub my face in water.. i'm like freaking STEAMED!

Conclusion..

2005-09-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

Well I've been going through some major up & downs the last few days (including a bad one last night)..

My conclusion:

I'm taking a step back.. I need to not lose track of the end result.. which is being happy and being glad with who I am and the choices I've made.

To those I've been talking to the last few nights.. you know it's not so much a mistake.. but a minor slip..

I'd take the minor setback over the big mistake.

Thanks for listening and letting me vent..

Blog Tag...

2005-09-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

This is an interesting one. I've been tagged by Euni

The Rules:

1. Go into your archive.

2. Find your 23rd post.

3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).

4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

5. Tag five other people to do the same.I

However, the good things that came out of this I can never forget so I am not taking this as a negative thing.

I know exactly what this was about too.. my "breakup".. how I was trying hard to not let it become the 'end all be all' of me.

I am going to cheat and tag anyone that wants to do this, as I know that some of you have been blogging for a while, and #23 may be hard to come by.

Thank You

2005-09-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

I never knew the strength I had..
I never fully realized.

Until you left a void
That threatened to break me

In the time of darkest need,
I learned how to stand alone

I learned the strengths I had in me
I always knew they were there but never noticed

I found how strong I could be
How I wasn't scared anymore

When I accepted my strength
I realize I outgrew you

I'm sorry
but thankful now for who I am

Behind Door #2...

2005-09-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

Well today was another 'interesting' day.

I watched 'nip/tuck' last night before falling asleep to some weird dreams. Can't recall but just know I was bawling my head off in 'em. Woke up feeling kinda disturbed.

The interview was at 10am so I had a bit of time to do some work before I was to go into it.

It went really well. She seemed more like someone I knew than someone I had never met (which is what situation really was).

It lasted for about an hour and a half before she went "Oh.. I'm running late. I have another interview behind you" (which I was like "oh, okay." What am I supposed to say to that?)

The whole time, I'm facing doorway and it hits me.. someone has been walking back & forth quite a few times.

It's a girl who is currently in my division and is the weakest assistant in the area. It hits me.. "She's my competition Brian warned me about"

So sure enough, we wrap up right around the 2hr mark. I think this was a good sign as did a lot of people.

I ask Brian if it was in fact this person I was up against. He said yes. I felt horrible.

This person has been in the company longer than I, yet they are probably considered 'beneath' me in skillset.

I know I shouldn't feel bad for being a quick learner & all that jazz.. BUT.. I do feel bad knowing she's going up against me for two jobs that I'm probably going to get offered both.

Work has been becoming more draining lately yet exciting. In talking to Rita (my potential new boss today), my new area (if I get the job) would be double the volume of my current area. $22mil vs. 10-11mil/yr. I'm like "WOW! Can you imagine??"

House stuff still in back of my mind.. but I'm trying hard to not let it bother me.

Thanks for all the positive comments :)

And just like that...

2005-09-27T19:04:00.000-07:00

The offer on my house was 'revoked'.

If you can call it that..

My agent called me today to say that the person who offered got laid off today (when they went to work). So the deal is now void since he can't get loan.

This is so depressing you have no idea..

The 'good' note was my interview went well today but I have another one tomorrow so I'm trying to stay focused with all this going on in the "personal" world.

I felt so liberated yesterday.. then just knocked down a few pegs today when I got news. Like someone punched me in the gut :(

So sigh.. i guess if you guys can go back to sending me good 'selling' vibes again :(

Ready, set.. offer!

2005-09-26T18:51:00.000-07:00

Today by far.. has been the best day of my life (25 years and counting).

Sorry boys & girls.. to all those birthday parties and sex parties and misc parties over the years. This one takes the cake!

Day started out kinda crappy.. cold, didn't get to do hair, etc.

But then.. after a TWO hour staff meeting, I go sit w/ my trainee and we begin working on stuff. I go back to my desk around noon.. to find a 'missed' call on my cell.

It was my agent.. I got an offer on my house. They offered me over the asking amount to ask for closing $$ back. I took it only cause at end of day, they shorted me $3K of what I listed, which washes for carpet allowance anyway.

Inspection is in a week and closing is tentatively set for the 24th of October. What does this mean for me? No property taxes if it all works out! :)

I would have to make one more payment but I'm okay with that. This makes me giddy cause it means that I'd be able to take care of all the financial stuff I've been wanting to do. *sigh* ~ heaven, heaven!

On a professional note.. I applied for those two jobs on Friday *internally* and got a call/email from HR today. I'm interviewing with one tomorrow and another Wednesday.

This was shocking, scary and flattering.

Shocking cause I didn't think I'd hear anything until at least mid-week and even then, to schedule not do tomorrow.

Scary cause I don't feel prepped at all.

Flattering cause the jobs haven't even officially 'closed' yet and here they are offering me interviews first.

Brian *my old boss* believes this mean there will be a bidding war out for me.

This makes me HAPPY!

As Stan put it "It's nice to be wanted!"

I don't know how my life did a 180 within 24 hours but I am so thankful and grateful for all of it.

So please keep ya fingers & toes crossed for me.. and send me good luck vibes! :)

have an awesome day everyone!

Closure..

2005-09-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

I was so sad this morning when I opened up the paper.. and there was a huge spread about how there is talk of closing my elementary school (my parents still live right by it) and renovating my old high school.

I can see renovating the high school but closing the elem school? :(

So many memories there..

The only hope is if they do close it.. don't turn it into some housing development. Keep it as a community center or something. It would be so sad to have it turn into a ghetto ass place where nothing but trouble comes of it.

Not to mention it would drive down my parent's prop value (not good)

BOO!

Forecast for this week..

2005-09-25T10:24:00.000-07:00

So I was up at the crack of dawn.. do feel a bit better though; not so under the weather but we'll see how day progresses..

MSN is our homepage here at home so I clicked on horoscopes for shits & giggles..

Here's what it said for this week:

Get into the sunshine and do all the things you love (it's supposed to be nice all week in WA btw). Putter around with your hobbies and find new ways to amuse yourself. This is not the time to stay at home, but rather to get out and mix with others. Jupiter in this section continues to bring you many good reasons why falling in love is a good idea. (Uh oh?) You may seem to fall in love very frequently recently, and are enjoying the feeling of being loved right back. Venus in Scorpio is bringing an interesting turn of events to your job. (Worries, worries)

So now I am a bit intrigued.. and scared for the week. It's a busy schedule this week but I couldn't have it any other way.

As for falling in love frequently and being loved back? not happening..not unless I got some secret admirers who aren't telling me outright.. We'll have to see I guess

If I had one wish..

2005-09-24T13:34:00.000-07:00

I would wish that men would not play games with me..

So I'm logged into myspace to try and finish uploading photos & all that jazz.. josh is not around since he's at Huskies game. I'm tempted to go layout on deck since it's so nice out but then again.. it's probably COLD but just sunny!

So this one guy messages me and says he thinks I'm beautiful and he's sorry for bothering me cause I never respond to his messages. *Note: He only sent me a message ONCE*

So I felt bad and sent back that I normally don't talk to a lot of people, just one particular friend (josh).

He then goes on to say he's lonely cause he's italian and how no one gets him here in lakewood. I said why does italian have anything to do with it?

"Cause being italian and alone is meaning you're a failure" so I said "I disagree. My ex was Italian and he wanted to be alone!"

He then says he wants to get to know me.. I said not really.. and then he says "Good luck w/ that concrete wall you put up".

I'm going "So cause I'm not running around saying *I want to be married* I must have a wall and baggage?"

It's called:

I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I'M NOT GOING TO SETTLE FOR JOE OR JOHNNY CAUSE THEY OFFER ME DICK AND A PARTNER TO THE MOVIES. I NEED MORE THAN THAT TO HAVE A 'GOOD' RELATIONSHIP TO EVEN CONSIDER WANTING TO BE WITH YOU.

GOD!

That was so frustrating. I want to revoke his 'friend' approval I gave him.

*off my soapbox now*

Birthday celebration..

2005-09-24T02:11:00.000-07:00

So tonight was Urs's bday celebration..

She turned 26 and specially since my 'date' bailed out on me (he tried to say he could make it for like an hour and I said no; I told him next friday or nothing at all.)

I joined her at the 'alternative' bar..

So i had tons of time to kill.. and end up in the bar by myself cause she's running late (as always).

Within 10mins or so, the bartender (who she has the biggest crush on), comes over to me.. and asks how I'm doing. I'm thinking "she's going to force me to buy a drink huh?"

She says that a 'gentlemen' wants to buy me a drink and did I want to accept. I said sure.. Lemon Drop please.

I have never had that happen before.. I didn't know how to respond. Was I supposed to ask her who it was or ? I figured they'd come up and talk to me.. but no one ever did.

There were some funny pics taken of us (while I was faded; can't excuse Urs since I don't know if she was really faded or not).

Overall, I had a blast.. although she dragged me outta there while I was still faded so I drove home to Lakewood paranoid as fuck!!

Blogspot has issues letting me post pics so I can't :(

But other than that.. good times!

The "bad" news of night was when I washed my car.. some asshole left me this HUGE dent taken out of my door panel where they decided to slam their door into mine.> NICE! I have photos of that too but even Urs was like "Dayemn!"

Boo to mean drivers :(

Date update..

2005-09-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

So I made my mind up to go out dancing w/ Urs tonight (if she'll have me). It's her birthday and I feel bad knowing that she is only going out w/ one person to this club.

I'm more of the "more the merrier" plus when it's your birthday.. big deals should be made.. She's turning 26 so it's not a HUGE one (aka.. like a 25th or 30th).

So my date is like "oh, wanna meet up before you head down there? I bet you'd look hot!"

I wanna scream "So you won't go out with me for a drink or bite but wanna meet up to see how *hot* I'm going to look?"

Is this totally translating into a random sex hookup or am I just blind?

Some sort of conclusion..

2005-09-23T14:38:00.000-07:00

Well imagine to my surprise when I walked in to work today.. and my 'new' boss says to me (so casually as if she wasn't dying to have to tell me this.. )

"You can go ahead & apply for those two jobs that are posted. Unless you don't want to, then please let me know."

So needless to say, there was some sort of 'conflict' there.. aka.. she really didn't want me to say I'd do it.. that I'd stay. I really don't want to stay though so..

I went ahead & applied for both the open positions even though I really only want one. My fear is:

a) Am I not going to get either?
b) Am I going to get the one I don't really want and know nothing about the buyer?
c) Am I going to get a DMM who is not going to like me (she's got a rep for being good but very cold & mean)
d) Am I going to end up pissing Stan off and he'll try to block me somehow?

Overall, I am happy that I finally have an idea of what I'm going to be doing.. aka.. that at least I've applied and now it's out of my hands.

If I get blocked, I do. If I get one of 'em, I do. I think what ultimately made me feel like I wasn't doing what was best was Brian..

I know that sounds silly but it was one of those 'scenes' in my head where I went "Okay, what would happen if I told Brian I didn't even apply?"

*He would shake his head and nod and say "okay. I think it'd be a great opportunity but it's your choice in the end and you have to do what's best for you."*

I felt like I'd be 'disappointing' him you know?

So now I get to play the waiting game..

The job I really want closes on Monday I believe (it's posted for 5 days officially). The 2nd job closes next Thurs or Fri.

Then interviews won't start until probably week after or so. Market is also coming up so people will be busy prepping for that.

So it could be another month or so before I find out since it does take other applicants (internal & external) so that there is a good feel for the person.

If they liked me, then I'd meet with the DMM to see if she wants to place me (either one is under her so it doesn't matter end of day).

Balls to the wall ... :)

I hate it when I'm right..

2005-09-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

So my 'date' for tomorrow cancelled on me.. citing "Time constraints".

I think that's translation for "I'm a bit scared and I think I need more time to buy."

I did ask for a sign so I guess that this is what it is.. at the same time, I'm going "Should I just write him off cause you know, no one usually cancels on me. The last one who did was a total loser when we finally did re-schedule."

Sigh..

Why do men have to make it so hard?

MEN!!!!

2005-09-21T20:19:00.000-07:00

Okay..

So how is it that a guy can really dig you.. send you emails, text, etc.. and the moment you make ONE joking comment. He bails?

All I said was "Ha ha.. you must have it bad if you're wanting to meet up with me when I am all sweaty from the gym"

And then I got "Yea you're right. I'm busy. Good luck on your speech. Later babe"

Me going "WHAT?? What did I do?"

It was a JOKE! Is it cause I implied he's got it bad and he doesn't want to come off that way?? WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS TAKE A JOKE??

Speech..

2005-09-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm supposed to be writing my 'speech' for work.. for my 'graduation' tomorrow.

I'm not thrilled nor am I happy about what I was told today.

"Hang in there. We're working on getting you promoted"

Wait a minute.. did we just go back in time??

I could've sworn I've been given the same speech from little man about 2mos now.. cept now it's coming from a little woman instead.

Grr.. I know it's late and I'm cranky from the running & butt kicks at the gym but..

Doesn't help I finally called my 'crush' to ask if we're on for Friday and he's all "Uh, I have to take my mom to the airport so we might have to cut it short to just dinner at like 5pm" and me thinking "Is this some sort of copout??"

He claims he'll call me later tonight or tomorrow to let me know for sure what time she has to fly out of town.. guess it's a family emergency. I want to believe it.. but being that I've been burned recently by the "last minute" guy changes.. can you blame me for being a BIT skeptical?

As far as voice goes.. he's a mumbler.. are all josh's that way? :)

And btw, i totally spaced and forgot to watch "supernatural" last night .. bOO! :(

I think I know who it is...

2005-09-21T05:20:00.000-07:00

After watching the season premiere of nip/tuck (btw, love the almost commercial free bit going on!!)

I think in my delirious-ness I figured out who the Carver is..

There were clues throughout but more so for me in the 'season ahead' where they flashed all the clips from the balance of the season..

When the detective who Christian is now banging.. says "He killed. That is unusual" And julia (i love hearing my name on that show and that christian has hots for her) asks "What is this type?"

She says "Someone who enjoys dominating other people who is vain himself".

The only person who came to mind? That guy surgeon from Atlanta who is now their "partner". Wouldn't it make sense?

He seems a bit vain (a lil like christian i might add). This guy guest starred last season but very small role. Now he's a 'regular'. Also, he benefits from them having the pro bono work sean will do causing 'real' surgeries to fall to the side..

I told Mary "I bet it is him! He's only one who makes sense!"

Anyway, up early again but no running today. Do it tonight. I felt good yesterday til my pants started falling down.. sigh.. i need to learn to not wear tight yoga pants to run.. even though you'd think that it would work jst fine :(

Another one...

2005-09-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

This thing is really long.. Totally jacked this from Josh off myspace :)

*Series One - Yourself

* Name: julia
* Birthdate: 6-10-80
* Birthplace: indonesia
* Current Location: somewhere in wa :)
* Eye Color: brown
* Hair Color: brown usually, sometimes lighter in sunlight
* Righty or Lefty: righty
* Zodiac Sign: the deadly twins ;)
* Innie or Outtie: innie

*Series Two - Describe

* Your hair: medium to long length, lots of layers
* Your eyes: big brown eyes.. been told they are "nice"
* Your weakness: right now, a good looking funny guy
* Your fears: being alone, and failure (including not selling the house)
* Your perfect pizza: meat lovers w/ stuffed cheese crust

*Series Three - What Is

* Your most overused phrase: That's awesome!
* Your thoughts first waking up: Oh sh*t! I'm late!
* The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: height, posture (bet you didn't think that huh?)
* Your best physical feature: probably combo between hips/legs/ass and boobs.. take your pick
* Your bedtime: usually around 9 or 10
* Your greatest accomplishment: to date? buying a house when I was 22/23
* Your most missed memory: hangin out with my friends in jr high/high school

*Series Four - You Prefer

* Pepsi or coke: Coke.. no matter how many times I'm asked.. it's always coke!
* McDonald's or Burger King: Mcdonald's altho I do bow down to the king for breakfast
* Single or group dates: single preferably but don't mind group ones.. i ain't scared :)
* Adidas or Nike: swoosh it up baby although the three stripes CAN be cute!
* Chocolate or vanilla: twist
* Cappuccino or coffee: neither .. no coffee goes in this body!
* Bras or Panties: i prefer bras so I don't jiggle around (sorry boys!) :)

*Series Five - Do You

* Smoke: no way
* Cuss: my bro recently told me like a sailor :(
* Take a shower everyday: usually at least once..
* Have a crush(es): i guess u can call it that..
* Do you think you've been in love: yes.. once in my life
* Want to go to college: no thanks..
* Like high school: i hated it but it was my own fault for not enjoying it..
* Want to get married: eventually but only if it's right timing and all that jazz..
* Believe in yourself: better believe it..
* Think you're attractive: i've been told i'm "put together real well" :)
* Think you're a health freak: i can be at times.. but i'm not calorie counter
* Get along with your parents: of course.. can't live w/out mom & dad!
* Like thunderstorms: eeh.. ask me again when we have one

*Series Six - In The Past Month, Did/Have You

* Drank alcohol: si senor
* Smoke(d): nope
* Done a drug: no, i hardly ever even take Advils! :)
* Have Sex: *sigh*.. this is depressing! NO!
* Made Out: not even close..
* Go on a date: no
* Go to the mall?: Technically work in/near one.. so I go 5 times a week :)
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Not a big fan of Oreos or THAT much chocolate in one sitting
* Been on stage: nope
* Been dumped: nope
* Made homemade cookies: no but it sounds good!

Series Seven - Have You Ever

* Played a game that required removal of clothing: i can't recall but probably not.. although I did have a strip poker night out there somewhere but no one is going to show.. i think they know i'm going to win! :)
* If so, was it mixed company: n/a
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes, ralphie at euni's xmas party.. how embarassing.. woke up clutching a dick!
* Been caught "doing something": ha ha.. it's about being 'discreet'! :)
* Been called a tease: nope
* Gotten beaten up: not unless you count when i was 15 and my older sister beat up on me.. then no
* Shoplifted: when i was about 10 or so.. saltines.. how sad!
* If so, did you get caught: yes, by my mom who told me i'd go to jail.. i rolled my eyes :)
* Changed who you were to fit in: not really.. hence why i am who i am today..

Series Eight - The Future

*Age you hope to be married: Probably 28-30 range.. I'm not in a rush really..
* Numbers and Names of Children: At least 2.. would consider 3 but 4 is pushing it.. and names? sigh.. uh, i kinda like cole for a guy.. girl.. unsure.. i like shayla but that's been taken so :(
* Describe your Dream Wedding: laidback.. familia all around.. maybe hawaii or beach somewhere?
* How do you want to die: happy.. content w/ my life and mark i left behind.. and knowing my family is proud of me
* What country would you most like to visit: italy so i can wear my "I love italian boys" shirt :)

Series Nine - Opposite Sex

* Best eye color? blue or green
* Best hair color? brown
* Short or long hair?: short but not too short
* Best height: taller than me.. so at least 5'11" (I can be tall w/ heels on.. specially my 4" stripper ones from halloween :)
* Best articles of clothing: whatever they feel sexiest and comfortable in.. just no polyester :)
* Best first kiss location: wherever it feels right..

Series Ten - Number Of:

* Number of guy friends: a lot!
* Number of girl friends: can count 'em on one hand..
* Number of people I could trust with my life: one..
* Number of CDs that I own: lost count YEARS ago!
* Number of piercings: 2 if you count ears as 'one' .. have to guess the other :)
* Number of tattoos: one..
* Number of scars on my body: know i have some that have faded but nothing major to report
* Number of things in my past that I regret: nada.. don't look back in regret.. and don't keep track of disappointments either

Sereis Eleven - The Last...

* Movie you rented? it's been ages.. i can't even think of the last movie i rented since i love w/ the "buy movies' king..
* Movie you bought? not movie.. but chapelle show season 2 :)
* Song you listened to: Don't Cha by Pussycat dolls (on radio)
* Song that was stuck in your head? see above
* Song you've downloaded? long time ago.. but I think it's safe to way probably T.I. "You don't know me"
* CD you bought? Missy Elliott (The cookbook ~ disappointing)
* CD you listened to? Today.. Shakira "Laundry Service"
* Books you have bought? Harry Potter 6..
* Person you've called? Euni
* Person that's called you? Euni.. wait.. what's this pattern here? :)
* TV show you've watched? "Unwrapped" on Food network (roomie watching it)
* Person you were thinking of? can't say..

Series Twelve - Misc.

*You have a b/f or g/f?: *sigh*.. did some sadistic person create this survey or what??
* You have a crush on someone? sure..
* You wish you could live somewhere else? sometimes, but i love WA.. i grew up here!
* You think about suicide?: i have before but not in a serious way..
* You believe in online dating? hmm.. i guess? But only non creepy people :)
* Others find you attractive? that's what's going around the rumor mill ..
* You want more piercings? not really.. the one made me hunch over in pain for over an hour so i'm good..
* You want more tattoos? no.. hurt like heck.. and i'm done!
* You drink? yes
* You do drugs? no
* You smoke? never
* You like cleaning? i do.. it needs to be done.. but i don't follow people around w/ a vacuum or anything..
* You like roller coasters? depends on who i'm with :)
* You write in cursive or print? print.. kinda loopy sometimes but not outright cursive..
* You carry a donor card? dont think so..

Series Thirteen - For Or Against...

* Long distance relationships? against.. tried it.. not so good.. i need the sex and intimacy man..
* Using someone: against.. been done to.. not fun
* Suicide? against
* Killing people? against unless they're killing me or my family.. then it's on....
* Teenage smoking? against smoking at all
* Doing drugs? against, but if it floats ya boat..
* Premarital sex? maybe if i never had sex i'd say against but since i'm not a virgin (shh.. don't tell anyone.. I gotta say i'm for)
* Driving drunk? against, but i've done it once.. and was so hungover next day.. never ever did again
* Gay/lesbian relationships? it's cool..

Series Fourteen - Favorite...

* Soap operas? work all day.. no time for soaps!
* favorite food? italian or chinese
* Song? my hit list right now is "Badd" by ying yang w/ mike jones.. who mike jones? who? mikes jones.. ha ha .. Urs get it now? :)
* Thing to do? Hang out w/ my friends.. lay out in the sun and get tan lines :)
* Thing to talk about? anything
* Sport? le baseball!
* Drink? alcoholic- martinis.. smirnoff twisted (apple variety), non-alcoholic- sprite or dr. pepper
* Clothes? whatever flatters me best.. :)
* Favorite shoes: my white candie heels that everyone says "I love those!" :)
* Movie? Austin Powers
* Band? hmm.. I do like Nickelback.. matchbox.. unsure.. so many diff tastes in musiq :)
* Holiday? tossup.. but probably Turkey day.. all familia around and all that jazz..
* Cars? Lexus that flexes but do love my toyota baby

Series Fifteen - What Are You Right Now..

* Shampoo do you use? pantene.. quick and easy..
* Perfume do you use? when I can remember to put it on.. j lo something.. everyone says it smells great (i can't really smell it most time).. and victoria's secret heavenly.. usually resulted in guys humping my leg once i sprayed it.. ha ha
* Shoes do you wear? summertime ~ heels.. wintertime ~ boots :)

Series Sixteen - In The Past 24 Hours Have You

* had a serious talk? couple actually..
* hugged someone? mm.. no, but did 48hrs ago :)
* fought with a friend? no way
* cried? naw.. nothing worth crying over right now..
* laughed? til tears came down my face.. and i couldn't even breathe or talk.. good times
* made someone laugh? being that tears were coming down her face.. i'd say so :)
* bought something? yes.. a bracelet.. can't wait to wear it :)
* cut your hair? nope, took 3" off last time.. it'll be a while to take more off..
* felt stupid? only when people ask me all weird #'s first thing in the morning..
* told someone something you were nervous about telling them? got nothing to hide so no

Early AM..

2005-09-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

I'm up to go workout (yay for me!)

Im soo tired.. euni & i stayed on phone a lot longer than we expected (hence why I knew it was going to be a LONG night!) :)

Although I am stoked since Nip/tuck is on tonight baby!! WAHOO!

That's about enough to get me going for the day! :)

I'm off to go for a run at the good ol' gym.. and then off to work .. i'm hoping to still get to work at a decent hour since running doesn't take me too long. I'm only going to do like a mile and work my body back up.. ha ha..

Good day everyone! :)

New outlook...

2005-09-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how one thing can domino effect the rest of your life.. and how you look at things..

So I kinda have this date Friday night.. and it's weird cause I'm actually excited about it.. like really excited. Not in a "Oh he's my soulmate" but like a "He seems cool and has made me laugh again" (not a small feat mind you!)

I'm not trying to get too excited in case it crashes all around me again (like baseball boy from August).

However, I do think there is some potential here for this guy.. only cause so far he hasn't given off the weird creepy vibes baseball guy did.. and this time around, I'm ready for a 'bad' date if it does end up being that..

The only fear I have is.. okay, so what happens if he's subpar and I just go for it anyway cause I'm tired of sleeping alone? BAD julia.. bad!

All in all, I'm just hoping to get out.. have a drink or two (or three) and if it's going well.. end it on a good note (he has season tix to Huskies football and is going Saturday so up early anyway).

Urs wants me to go dancing w/ her for her bday Friday night but I'm unsure if I really wanna go. I do cause it's her bday.. but at same time, she knows I'm not comfortable there.. so she told me she doesn't mind.. specially since we're supposed to hang out Saturday afternoon/night.

Anyway, I'll be updating this throughout week I guess.. I just feel weird at idea of dating again.. yet excited. I know I don't play games but it does appear.. I'm somehow being tricked into playing them..

Sunday football

2005-09-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

After not falling into bed last night until 3am (man I'm tired!); today was football Sunday. Seahawks vs. Falcons and it was to be a good game (barring we didn't get outright slaughtered).

We got to the game late.. of course.. and we were hauling ass since Brian had our tickets and we had to meet him on the "North" side of course (we were on south).

Then we were on 3rd deck so we had to hike up a gazillion stairs/ramps, etc..

It hit me after the game was over, this was the first game I had been to since last year with Mike, Eunice & Justin..

I made some new memories today (including the one where I wanted so bad to slap the beer out of this drunk guys' hand) to just being happy and finally realizing.. Life has moved on.

I've been talking to this guy (josh).. not same one that I used to know through Justin. He's funny and has finally got me interested in possibly meeting and hanging out with someone new.

What is bizarre is that I don't think "he" is the reason why I'm feeling like the "reset" button has been pushed.. but that I finally have realized.. Life is too short.. and I'm too happy to be moping around like I have been.

It's just nice to have that excitement again.. of laughter, flirting and getting that happy butterfly feeling when I get a text or email from him.

I know that I'm not going "Oh, he's the one!" but it's nice to just know that there are new people out there I haven't even begun to meet.

We ended up winning the ballgame and it was really fun. I'm tired from all the hiking and cheering (i think i kinda lost my voice a bit!).

To my post below, it also reminded me of how I kinda wished that I could message Justin and say "Hey! Awesome game huh? And btw, I heard your Bears stomped on Dom's Lions today!" but I knew it was one of those moments that will pass.

It re-stated to me today.. I was making new memories and ones of him would fade in and out.. but that overall, I couldn't keep holding onto him if I wanted to truly move on and be happy.

Cause truthfully, he made me happier than I had ever been when we were together.. but he also made me the most miserable when we were apart.. and so I can't say I would want that longterm.

I've learned so much in the last 6mos about myself, those I care about and relationships. Here's to hoping I can somewhat APPLY what I've learned.. and not keeping making the same mistakes :)

Belltown..

2005-09-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, so there is a story I have to tell in order to complete my 'epiphany' (if that's how you spell it).

My sister had a bbq last night for some friends who were in town.. so we were up in Renton. When I left house, it was sunny so I threw on tank & skirt.. it was overcast and COLD when I got to her house :(

They wanted to go downtown since they are from Atlanta and see the nightlife. Belltown Billiards was the choice. I had never been there but had heard lots about it.

Allison falls asleep.. (she was so faded) and ends up making us way late. We were supposed to meet the guys there at 11pm. We didn't leave her house until 11.. which means we got there about 11:45. Then the bouncer (I swear he must've been the smallest dicked guy I've ever known on a power trip). He kept saying they were 'at capacity' and we had to wait to get in.

Yet if someone slipped him cash, he let them right in.. I wasn't about to pay to get in (it was ladies' night).

Finally we get in and play some pool. I admit I haven't played since last year at Justin's house. I'm pretty bad if I do say so myself. Also, I was sober now :(

Anyway, we're toward closing time.. and the last song the DJ plays is "Let's get it on" by Marvin Gaye.

For those who know the whole story, Justin sang this at his cousin's wedding last November as a 'gift' to her. He is VERY good at singing surprisingly and it was something that blew me away.

When this song came on, at first it was a sad "oh, justin used to sing this all the time" to "Yeah, that was good times."

The epiphany I had was this:

What we had meant something to me and even though I no longer have it, I am thankful I did. And can look back now and smile and laugh at all the things that we had shared. It no longer hurts me to hear or see reminders of him. It finally hit me.. I'm over him.

I know I've said this before.. so I know it may come off sounding a bit like crying wolf.. but it just finally hit me. It's okay that we're not together anymore and I hope he's happy and finds happiness.

So now I can finally feel like that part of me I was holding onto subconsciously can be set free..

100 Things

2005-09-17T01:50:00.000-07:00

100 things you may not have known...(updated)

.001.] name: julia
.002.] age: 25
.003.] birthday: June 10, 1980
.004.] zodiac sign: Gemini!
.005.] height: 5'7" flat footed.. non flat-footed, i don't konw :)
.006.] weight: Depends on day, workout mood, etc but usually 145-150 :(
.007.] status: Last I checked ... single
.008.] city you live in: Lakehood, WA
009.] car you drive: 2004 Toyota Corolla S
.010.] school you attend: School of Sexy :)

[.favorite.]
.011.] food: Italian or Asian (homemade)
.012.] non-alcoholic drink: water, coke or dr. pecker
.013.] alcoholic drink: martinis & smirnoff twisted
.014.] ice cream flavor: Mint choc chip
.015.] color: blue
016.] tv show: currently still on air.. nip/tuck
.017.] movie: Austin Powers
.018.] singer/band: I really like Christina Aguilera and Alicia Keys.. girls who WRITE their own music!
.019.] song: right now.. it's "Gold Digger" by Kanye
.020.] word/phrase: that's awesome!/right on!

[.the last person.]

.021.] you talked to: Euni, about 20mins ago
.022.] you called: Urs
.023.] you saw: my brother
.024.] you hugged: Jeremy.. weird..
.025.] you kissed: .... I can't recall?
.026.] you had sex with: the ex
.027.] you had a crush on: Non movie star? I don't have crushes ..
.028.] you did something nice for: BM
.029.] you dreamt about: Work related..
.030.] you hung-out with: Urs, Lake chelan

[.have you ever.]

.031.] lied to your parents: yes but not in a super long time..
.032.] stolen something: yes as a child
.033.] had sex in a car: yes mm..
.034.] kissed the same sex: Yes
.035.] masturbated: yes
.036.] cheated on a test: yes
.037.] thought you were gay: naw
.038.] drank alcohol: yes
.039.] done drugs: yes
.040.] smoked anything: Nope

[.the last thing.]

.041.] you ate: seafood chowder my Mom made
.042.] you drank: water
.043.] you bought for yourself: Lunch?
044.] you bought for someone else: a giftcard for BM to put inside his 'going away' card
.045.] you cooked: Uh, pizza sometime this week
.046.] you made: I can't recall; I'm not artsy that way
.047.] you worried about: my career moves and shakes
.048.] you cried about: a tv show/movie ending
.049.] you were happy about: nip/tuck starting on Tuesday :)
.050.] you shared with someone: my fears

[.numbers.]

.051.] shoe size: 8.5-9
.052.] waist size: Don't know.. don't ever measure..
.053.] lucky number: 6
.054.] number of piercings: 2
.055.] number of tattoos: 1
.056.] boys/girls you have kissed: I think it's like 4 or 5?
.057.] bfs/gfs you have had: 4
.058.] jobs you have had: 8
.059.] people you consider “real friends”: about 5
.060.] boys/girls you had sex with: I can't tell ya EVERYTHING can i? :)

[.do you believe in.]

.061.] the boogie man: not really
.062.] monsters in the closet: not really
.063.] monsters under your bed: not really but do believe in spiders under there
.064.] evolution: maybe
.065.] reincarnation: yes
.066.] love at first sight: no, but lust at first yes..
.067.] aliens in outerspace: maybe
.068.] ghosts: sorta
.069.] curses: not really..
.070.] yourself: most times.. self doubt is normal

[.would you.]

.071.] rob a bank: yes if I could get away w/ it and no karma repurcussions..
.072.] drink a bottle of tequila: eww no.. gross
.073.] kiss someone of the same sex: done it long time ago
.074.] have sex with a goat: no and never will.. have no right equipment :)
.075.] date your teacher: only if he's super hot and not old
.076.] flash a stranger: depends on my mood
.077.] date your best friend: no
.078.] bungee jump off the statue of liberty: no thanks
.079.] skinny dip in public: mmm.. depends on my daring mood
.080.] eat cow balls: no.. sorry $50K isn't worth that

[.at this moment.]

.081.] what are you eating: nothing; it's 2am
.082.] what are you drinking: nada, see above
.083.] what are you wearing: tank top, velour pants (aka my jammies!)
.084.] what are you listening to: nada, super early/late to have music going
.085.] what are you thinking about: bed ;)
.086.] what do you smell like: prolly nothing
.087.] what does your hair look like: tied back and roughed up like I've been doing naughty things to get it messed up :)
.088.] where are you at: upstairs in the office
.089.] what time is it: 2:07AM
.090.] what is the weather like: cold

[.this or that.]

.091.] the beach or the mountains: beach man.. sun and water!
.092.] pepsi or coke: coke products
.093.] having no arms or having no legs: legs if i had to choose
.094.] stereo or tv: uhm, if i'm in car, stereo.. if i'm at house, tv
.095.] mom or dad: mom
.096.] money or happiness: happiness..
.097.] car or motorcycle: car
.098.] one good friend or several companions: one good friend
.099.] shoes or sandals: sandals
.100.] mustard or ketchup: ketchup

A-Z about moi!

2005-09-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

A - Age: 25
B - Band listening to right now: No radio on but in car had Mariah Carey on
C - Career in future: Probably buyer if I'm lucky!
D - Dad's name: Lang
E - Easiest person to talk to: My brother
F - Favorite Song at the Moment: Let Me Love you by Mario (kinda old song I know)
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Been a fan of both but will take bears over worms
H - Hometome: Lakewood, some things don't change!
I - Instruments: Used to do B flat clarinet and meat flute.. ha ha.. just kidding
K - Kids: None that I know of
L - Longest car ride ever: Auburn WA to Denver CO
M - Mom's name: Lang (yes same name!)
N - Number of siblings: 3
P - Phobia(s): Spiders/bugs, the dark, never having sex again :)
Q - Favorite Quote: "If you're going to ride my ass, at least spank & pull my hair"
R - Reasons to smile: Knowing I will have sex again someday and it will be awesome! :)
S - Song you sang last: Rock ya (Eve & Alicia Keys)
T - Time you wake up: Crack of dawn.. 5am ish
U - Unknown fact about me: I'm hooked on phonics
V - Vegetable or fruit you hate: Broc.. eww
W - Worst habit: Not always cleaning my hair out of the drain after I shower right away
X - Xrays you've had: Uhm, I think a few.. teeth, knee when I thought I shattered it snowboarding
Y - Yummy Food: Anything my mum makes :)
Z - Zodiac Sign: Gemini all the way baby!

20 Best Excuses for Calling in Sick...

2005-09-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

Off MSN...

I was sprayed by a skunk
I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious
My bus broke down and held up by robbers
I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity
I forgot to come back to work after lunch
I couldn't find my shoes
I hurt myself bowling
I was spit on by a venomous snake
I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow
A hit man was looking for me
My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser
I eloped
My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up
My cat unplugged my alarm clock
I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial
I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India
I forgot what day of the week it was
Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night
A tree fell on my car
My monkey died (Ok, i SOO would not go into work if this happened!) :(

I think I'm good and ready for a change..

2005-09-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

Sorry.. line from the Nelly Furtado song I had on a remix CD this morning on the way into work..

I think it would 'fit' me right now, wouldn't ya agree? :)

Anyway, today was a good/interesting day. I went to lunch w/ sidira.. we had a long talk about certain things. She is trying to get me to do a lot more.. which I'm up for, but also feeling like "How about we let you get caught up first before you start asking me to do a ton of things?"

My trainee is awesome. I really like her. She took the challenge of entering PO#'s today like it was nothing (on her official 4th day in the company). I like girls like that! :)

We went to Toi and had some drinks. Carly & I left at about 6:30 to catch our respective buses. I thought I had emptied my bladder but was obviously wrong.. I had to get off in Tacoma Dome just to PEE.. I thought I was going to do it in my pants. I have never been SOO embarassed (even though I didn't, just idea I might've).

To make things even weirder.. Josh had called me sometime during the day (my phone never notified me for some reason..). So I'm on bus on way home (it's now almost 8pm) and he calls me from his house.

So I answer.. and he's like "whatcha doing.. wanna hang out?" I felt bad cause it's like "well, uhm, how do I tell someone that I like ya but not like you like me.. and I can't keep torturing you?"

He filled me in his life (not too much new news) and I filled him in on all of mine (tons of course). He wants to go to the Fair tomorrow but I'm trying to leave it open in case Urs needs me (her cat might have to be put down) or just to get caught up on housework, etc.

He told me some interesting news about the Schooner shooting a few weeks back.. guess who showed up 20mins after the shooting and had seen all the bodies?? Anthony & Ben.. Needless to say, they still hang there.

Note to self: Don't go to the Schooner to get shot at or to be seen by ex's best friends.

I guess it's hard sometimes to feel close to someone but not want to tell someone things all at the same time.

I felt weirded.. knowing that he's someone I consider a friend but am okay only seeing him occasionally.. then I think "How fair is it to Josh though.. I'll see Dennis who treats me like crap but not Josh who treats me like a princess?"

250

2005-09-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's pronounced two fitty! :)

I can't believe it's already that post for me.. I wouldn't even keep count but blogger does it for ya :)

It's an early morning post from me.. due to being up with Amber on the phone til about 1am. It's not like we spoke about anything too great but just things in general.. having kids, things like that.

I totally had EVERY intent of getting up, washing my face, then going to bed. Somehow, I fell asleep with the lights on, makeup on, bras, clothes, all still on.

So here I am up at the crack of dawn. I normally would say "Screw it.." and go to work like this.. but unfortunately today is my old boss's (Brian) "going away" party.

So I was 'hoping' to get back to Tacoma area early tonight to enjoy a good workout (didn't make it last night) or to just relax and do whatever I want.

It'll be another long night it appears.. but at least it'll be a free drink/appetizer reason :)

Something that came out when I was speaking to Amber last night.. one of her friends seems to think I have a crush on her roomie. We laughed about that for awhile.

He's really not my type and I can't see ever having those feelings (his name is Josh too but he reminds me of "my" Josh).

It kinda made me think about how I have been single now for 6mos (tomorrow.. aaah!). It's one of those "When did 6mos fly by?" but I guess with all the moves and changes going on personally & professionally, I've just been hanging on for dear life!

Here's to hoping the "fresh" start that I'm getting with my career and personal life will all lead to "better" things.. not the same!

Fall season..

2005-09-14T20:44:00.000-07:00

As I told my sis-in-law last night.. I love Fall cause it means return and new launches of TV shows.. *big goofy grin*

So last night I watched "Bones" on Fox at 8pm and "Supernatural" on the WB at 9. As you can see, this requires precision clock watching as well as being able to switch the mentality to watch a totally different show.

Bones was okay, although it's the pilot so I give it a couple more episodes before I write it off (after all, David Boreanz is eye candy!)

"Supernatural" on the other hand, I am hooked. It started out with a mother putting one of her sons to bed and goes to say goodnight to her newborn son.

She wakes up in the middle of the night and hears the baby gurgling on the monitor. So she goes into the room thinking that the man hovering over the baby's crib is her husband. She hears the TV downstairs and goes there.. to find her husband asleep on the couch in front of the TV. She stops and runs upstairs. They don't show you what happened but her screaming.

This wakes up the husband who then runs upstairs.. the baby (Sam) is still in the crib, gurgling and happy as can be. All of a sudden, blood drips on his hand.. Then another.. and he looks up to find his wife (appears to have her tummy split open) and glued to ceiling in a torturous position.

All of a sudden, she explodes into flames. She was still alive cause she muttered his name. He grabs the baby and gives him to his brother and they run out of the house into the front yard. The mother dies.. and the father is now hooked on that it was supernatural (hence the name of the show).

For those "Smallville" fans, the older brother is played by Jason from Smallville who dated Lana last season (he's kinda hot!). Fast forward 22yrs later, and their Dad is missing. He went "hunting" for another supernatural thing.

So then "Jason" goes to his younger brother Sam's house and says "Come on, we gotta go get Dad" and Sam says no. He doesn't want to be part of it anymore and whatnot.. well he has this really hot girlfriend.. she keeps asking him to stay, etc. He says he will go only once to make sure his dad is ok (their dad had gone missing for 3wks at this point).

So they go to this smalltown where supposedly men were missing mysteriously year after year along the same stretch of highway. Another guy had disappeared the night before (but not their Dad).

It turns out that this 'spirit' was a 'woman in white'. Guess the way the story goes is that their was a wrongful death (similar to "The Grudge") and so she can't move on. So instead she hangs out around that highway and kills men who are unfaithful (lesson to all men; just don't do it!). Turns out she killed her kids before she commit suicide over distraught at her husband's infidelity.

This caused her to not be able to "go home" or go to heaven/hell. They find out their Dad is ok.. so Sam tells Jason he wants to go home to his girl, etc. So Jason takes him home but tells him that he thinks they made a great team.

Sam goes inside his house, the shower's running. He lays on his bed thinking "Wow.. I'm so lucky to have this girl" and blood drips on his forehead.. he looks up and there is his girl.. just like his Mom.. splayed out and bursts into flames. Jason had come back (they didn't explain how he knew to come back for Sam).

So now Sam is on a vengeance and wants to go hunt since his life has no more meaning. The woman in white tries to kill them.. since they are butting into her past and trying to 'kill' her. She tries to get Sam to kiss her .. making him unfaithful .. so then she can kill him.

Jason arrives and distracts her.. and finally Sam runs his car into her old house.. She kept saying over & over how "She can't ever go home" so he took her 'home'. Turns out that her kids spirits were there.. the ones she killed.. she couldn't go home due to guilt and shame of doing what she did.

They ended up killing her cause now they got what they wanted.. to take her with them.

It was definitely something that I had to wrap my head around a bit.. hard to explain but I was hooked. Then I flipped to MTV to watch some mindless stuff.. :)

I can't wait for Smallville & Nip/Tuck to start. I've been getting the Entertainment Weekly (Nip/Tuck is on the cover this week). They say we won't know the identidy of the Carver until at least episode 5 or 6.. whoo!

I hear it might be a woman.. I'm hoping it's not Julia's Mom (Can you see her being the psychotic bitch who does that?) Or that scary woman who tried to sue them when her lipo went wrong on her tummy.. Although I am leaning towards maybe KIMBER!!

Top Ten Reasons why I love blogspot

2005-09-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

I can access it from work and I can't myspace.com :P
It's FREE!
People seem pretty friendly
It's easy to link to other sites and makes me feel like I kinda know how to build a site :)
I've read some pretty hilarious sites and gotten good ideas from others
I can use my 'corollachick' handle :)
I've discovered how to pour my thoughts on paper without getting writer's cramp
You can have multiple blogs under one login
I can keep in touch without having to talk to someone all day :)
Euni showed it to me

Football baby!!

2005-09-14T19:59:00.000-07:00

So I totally have been spacing out.. and wanting to update my blog but haven't had time! :)

I tried logging in from work to do it but it didn't quite work..

My sister's friend (who calls me lil sis) emailed me at work late yesterday to ask if I wanted 2 tix to the Seahawks vs. Falcons game this Sunday. Of course, I'm all over it.

I felt kinda bad since he said he was going to sell it to his co-workers but figured I'd want to go and I can take a friend. So I am bringing my brother. I can't tell you the excitement it boiled up in me at idea of going to a game.. a GOOD game.. although we'll probably lose since Michael Vick will be playing (boo~!). I am a genuine Seattle/hometeam fan at heart but sometimes you have to give props where props are due :(

On a personal work note, things have been kinda odd/weird at work. I have a trainee named Becky. I really like her so that's a good thing. The problem is trying to figure out how she can 'fit' into my already packed schedule, as well as my 'new' boss.

She's someone I worked with before but not as my direct boss. Now that she is, I can tell she's trying to push me a little bit to see when I'll say "stop".

We're supposed to have lunch together tomorrow to have a touchbase so we'll see how that goes. Tomorrow is also Brian's "going away" happy hour at Toi in Downtown Seattle. The best part is it's Stan's treat.. ha ha ha! :)

I still enjoy my job, don't get me wrong. But lately something seems off.. Could it be that I've been working 10hr days this week and when I say I wanna go home early, I get the "Oh, okay".

"Hey girlie.. if I don't go home today early, I'm not here at ALL on Friday! Would you like that?"

Also, tonight, my brother was 'pms'ing and decided to take his frustration out on me.. needless to say, it was one of those moments where I bit my tongue. I didn't want to get into it and I didn't want to get defensive. Hard though.. really really hard. :(

The Perfect Day

2005-09-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

Okay.. so Euni's tagged me and I tag EVERYONE! :)

It would start with me waking up from a wonderful night of awesome sex.. to sunshine coming through my windows. Preferably a Saturday or Sunday morning..

I'd smell breakfast coming from downstairs and me jumping in the shower and getting ready for the day.

I'd go downstairs to eat breakfast with my honey (no name or face at this time :) ~ We'd be talking about how we'd spend our day.

We'd probably go to a ballgame or football game and just have a slow day where we did anything and everything we wanted. From movies to walking by the pier to just enjoying the company.

At the end of the night, we'd head home where he'd give me a back massage, we'd take a LONG bath and then back to bed we go.

Lame I know.. but what can I say for a girl who's been single for 6mos?? :)

Curveball

2005-09-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

How's the saying go? When you get most comfortable and think you have it figured out; that's when Life throws you a curve?

On the day that I got news that Dan Wilson *My Favorite Mariner of all time* retired.. (boo, sniff, sniff), I felt a weird little vibe coming from the world. Shrugged it off thinking "I'm just REAL tired from Chelan"

I stopped at Albertson's on the way home to get stuff to make a Caesar salad since I need to do that for lunch. I hate not having stuff and wasting $$.

So I went the other way home so I could swing by there. As I'm pulling in the parking lot, I saw Janelle's car. I'm thinking "Hmm.. just my luck, she'll see me and I feel like crap today and don't much like socializing."

So I walk into the store and go straight for the salad/fruit area. I get all the fixin's I need but can't find the damn croutons. I am one of those girls who MUST have croutons and lots of 'em.

So I start walking down all the aisles with that 'lost' look on my face of "Is this it? Is this it?"

I see this guy coming towards me by the meat/seafood aisle in a pinstripe suit and I look up and realize it's Justin's "homie" Jeremy.

So I kinda called out "Jeremy Cosio" and he looks up and goes "Hey!" and gives me a hug. He then avoids my eyes and asks what I'm doing here. I said I'm on the way home from work and had to go some grocery shopping. He's holding about 2 bottles of wine and I'm thinking "Damn man.. is that all for tonight?"

He asks me what I'm doing around here and I said that I live here. And he goes "Where?" And I said "Oakbrook" and he goes "Really? How long?" I'm like "uh 6mos ago?" and he goes "oh.. what part of Oakbrook?" Turns out he just bought a house with his wife and they literally live about 3-5blks from me.. IF that.

So after a couple mins of awkward chitchat I'm like "Okay, well congrats on the house and I'll see ya!" and walked away. It was one of those awkward chats where I felt like he was being nice but then felt awkward like a cat trapped.. wanting to get away. I don't know why since it's not like we were ever close or that I ever disliked him. At one point, I even think he had a little thing for me.

Only conclusion I could draw is maybe he knows some things about me and can't look me in the eyes now cause he knows these things. Aka.. once you break up, guys tend to let all secrets out of the bag sexually, etc. It's fine; I have nothing to hide but that's how he was acting. Kinda shy yet he was one who made point to stop and hug and chitchat. I would've been happy just saying "Hey, funny to see you. Ha ha"

It's rattled me a bit but I guess it's a good rattle.. Urs just called.. Kelly Clarkson ticket has been cancelled for tomorrow. Boo! So I gotta go get refunds now on the tix. Which I guess puts $$ back in my pocket but sucks too. Now I gotta work a full day tomorrow! :(

Stripped...

2005-09-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

Sorry you can't define me
Sorry I break the mold

Sorry that I speak my mind
Sorry that I don't do what I'm told

Sorry I don't fake it
Sorry I come so real

I will never have what I really feel..

Sorry I ain't perfect
Sorry I don't give a fuck

Sorry I ain't a diva
Sorry I know what I want

Sorry I'm not a virgin
Sorry I'm not a slut

I won't let you break me
Think what you want..

Goodbye Danny Boy :(

2005-09-12T16:35:00.000-07:00

Dan Wilson, my fav Mariner of all time.. retired today.

This makes me so sad.. this is truly the end of the original M's 95 team. I guess with all things, it must come to an end.

I liked him for many reasons. His dedication, his team leadership as well as his community involvement.

Best wishes Dan :(

Decision Time...

2005-09-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

It's finally come to where I need to make a decision about my career..

Currently, I'm going to have a new boss as of tomorrow morning (Yikes!) as well as a trainee (Double Yikes!).

Although this may all change with what I find out about my career path next week. I think I'm going to try to go for the I-N-C job.. It'll be a good area (tons more business than Kids) as well as a great label for us.

The fear is now telling the Big Man (I use this term loosely since he comes up to about my shoulders if that).

Maybe I could just slide a note under his door.. ha ha..

Conclusion..

2005-09-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

Well I just arrived back from Chelan T-minus 20mins ago..

For record, my baby made it just great (402miles on odometer with over 1/8 of a tank left but I filled it up anyway before gas goes up again).

Overall, I think the trip was a good one despite the changes (me driving, my sisters not attending, the weather being as crappy as can be).

We did take the boat out on Saturday although the sun didn't come out so we didn't really feel like playing much in the water. We spent most of the day playing cards (Huy took everyone's money Friday night; I took it last night).

The funny part was when we had this HUGE fire (Derick brought a free-standing wood burning stove) and Urs & I were sitting next to each other. Derick & Huy kept getting bad cards.. so then they started saying we had the "devil" on our side.

We laughed most of the night about it.. until the ante was up to $1.60 small, $3.20 big. I happened to be small.. Derick says "All in" and I think "I got a 6 and 3. Should I?" But it was to point where ante's so high, we're going to end up going all in next hand anyway.

So I said sure. He flips the cards.. he's holding King & 7. I'm thinking "I am so toast. What was I thinking??"

So then I burn & flip the flop.. A, 2, and 6. So right off bat, I've got a pair at least. Then I flop another card (does neither of us good), then I river another 6. I now am holding a three of a kind.

Needless to say, I won. And ironically on the "666" card. Derick wouldn't let me live that down this morning.

I felt kinda bad cause Derick drove all the way to Yakima and over to get the boat. We only went out on it once yesterday. We tried to today but then it was too late (already 1pm) and the time it takes to launch plus then shower, and drive home. I gotta work tomorrow!

Urs was horrified cause I beat her at Scrabble the first night with "sexy" and "he". She came back to take me on the 2nd game (we played with 9 tiles; scores were terribly HIGH!)

We played Skipbo and I took her pretty good. It was one of those games where I wanted to almost set her up since I felt bad about it.

We stayed up last night talking and one of the things that came up was talk of Justin and just our past. I don't know if that's why I dreamt of him. It was one of those horrible dreams where you just wanna wake up cause it's so horrible? He was screaming and angry at me in his dream for being around him.. and yet his nephew/niece and mom were all "Hey! How's it going?" and then I woke up.

But I couldn't shake the look on his face or how 'angry' I could sense he was. Don't know if that was a preminition or what..

On the way home, I guess I-90 had a bad accident early this morning and it shutdown Westbound (lucky us!). So we found a shortcut to get around and cars heading the other way were just stopped as well. We passed this one truck w/ 3 guys in the bed (they're not moving at all) and I jokingly said "Heey!" (My window was down; I'm going about 55/60).

As we pass by, I hear "HEY!" and see the guys jump up and throw their hands up like "Come back!"

I had to admit it gave me quite a laugh since that is so not my style to hoot at people but I also didn't think they'd hear me :)

I also came to a decision on my career.. surprise surprise.. I will at least give Stan a chance to talk to me tomorrow and tell me more BS of what "ginny" supposedly thinks.. but I think in my heart, I need to go w/ the INC job.

It just makes more sense and it feels right. I can't doubt Brian at this point. He's been my strongest supporter and if he says he thinks I'd benefit more than any other area; I need to believe him.

So tomorrow will be quite the BIG day for me. I'm excited yet nervous all at once.. In fact, need to go unpack my car. Urs pretty much got her stuff and bailed (Not even gas money, I'll get her Tuesday!)

Hope everyone had an awesome time.. so sorry to report no tan lines for me :(

Heading out door..

2005-09-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Well I know I should be heading out the door except the last minute "oh we don't have to leave town until at least noon".

I think Urs & I are going to head out around 11. I don't want to hit a ton of traffic going through Seattle (we're junctioning to I-90 if I'm correct) and I hate knowing that taking half the day off isn't really needed (for those who had to take time off).

It gave me time to relax last night and unpack & pack my car today. The sun has finally broke out too so now I can tell my brother he's crazy for thinking it'll rain (in Chelan; it's supposed to be like mid 70's).

I admit I got sad last night when he said he's not excited anymore.. a few key people have dropped off.. PLUS.. I guess Derick booked the city campsite.. which means no bonfire unless you bring your own pit. Huy is all about bonfires. So now he's not stoked; which makes me think he doesn't want to go.

I wanna go and have a good time regardless. I found my charger so yay for me. I can finally get the pics off the damn camera and take new ones! :)

Thanks for the 'fun' wishes from everyone.. and house vibes e.. no news as of yet :(

Lake Chelan!!!!

2005-09-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for this trip.

It's the only thing I've been looking forward to all week.. even with the disappointing news I got today, it's all that I'm going to make 'best of it'.

I also had news that perhaps I may have an offer on the house but I'm not holding my breath on it.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend (ha ha.. I'm a slacker!) and talk to ya Monday! :)

When the future becomes present

2005-09-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

I knew it would happen someday, I guess I thought it would happen "later".

My brother called me, sounding all happy and tells me that he has just been given Assignment to Hawaii, effective March.

What does this mean to me?

a) I lose my best friend
b) I'm homeless in 6mos

I know that I should be so happy for him but I guess I selfishly am going to miss knowing he's right there to talk to each night. I don't care about the homeless part cause I will hopefully have sold in 6mos.. and be able to either buy again or move in w/ the rents.

I'm just so down about it; all I'm doing is crying at work about it.

I can't imagine losing another best friend in March. It's almost like it'll be a 'bad' month from now on.

Maybe I'll feel better about this once we can seriously talk about it this weekend.. even the 'free room & board in Hawaii' isn't appealing.

WAAAAH!~

50 Things About Guys that Girls Didn't Know..

2005-09-07T20:29:00.000-07:00

I got this off someone's my space account and I find it to be funny (and from he says true!)

Guys hate sluts.
"Hey are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open up with to stop from stammering on the phone
Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
Guys go crazy over a girl's smile
Guys will do anything to get you to notice him.
Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the 'let her complain to you and then have her realize how wonderful and nice you are' method.
A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
Guys get jealous easily.
Guys are more emotional than they'd like to think.
Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!.. uh.. nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
Guys are good flatterers when courting but usually they stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
Girls are guys' weaknesses.
Guys are very open about themselves.
It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
If a guy tells you his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give him advice.
A usual act that proves the guy likes you is when he teases you.
Guys love you more than you love them if they're in a serious relationship.
Guys will brag about anything.
Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.
Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
Guys seek advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
Try to be as straightforward as possible.
A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won'tbe mature and grown up (Amen!)
If the guy does something stupid in front the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
Guys learn from experience not from the romance books girls read and take as their basis of experience.
Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl; he really is. Guys rarely say that.
When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's actually just saying "Please come and listen to me"
Guys don't really have final decisions.
If a guy starts talking seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
If your best guy friends seems to avoid you or is never around you when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
Guys like femininity not feebleness.
Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
Guys hate rejection, but they hate being lead on even more.
Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

I don't know about y'all.. But i do feel like I know men a little better! :)

Pulling a "justin"

2005-09-07T17:15:00.000-07:00

Someone said this to me today in an email and it got me laughing, then stuck in my head.. (I shall keep them anonymous!) :)

Definition of pulling a 'justin' you ask?

Being someone who will sever all ties to a relationship.

It doesn't mean that maybe the relationship didn't or wasn't going to come to an end anyway. But it does mean being solid & firm in severing it (aka.. pulling a justin).

I've pulled a 'justin' once or twice in my life. Best thing I've ever done and I'm okay with it but they did a LOT to me to deserve that. It sucks when you've done NOTHING..

She hasn't done the same to this person as Justin has done to me. They've still spoken off and on and are actually going to encounter each other next week.

It's not like there has to be any anger or resentment between people (not there is between these two; just a weird vibe now due to how the relationship fell out).

It makes me wonder why people feel (aka justin) that it has to be a 'certain' way in order to end.. aka.. ugly. There are ways of just saying "sorry, it didn't work out. Best of luck to you"

I do that all the time! :)

To each their own I guess..

My Space

2005-09-07T00:37:00.000-07:00

Okay..

Blogspot is obviously more of a 'friendly' atmosphere than My Space.. I decided to go ahead & open up the site I had temporarily created.. so I was putting up pics (they didn't take for some reason) and this one guy IM's me..

And so we start talking.. he's all "groping" me online.. aka.. asking me WAY personal questios and saying "I wish I was there with you"

This totally creeped me out.. maybe I am naive but I would like to know I can just meet people and chat.. and not have it be totally skeezy.. Geez..

It takes a disaster..

2005-09-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

I must say I hate to sound like a Pollyanna (is that how you spell it?) but with all the natural disasters and whatnot in the world.. I'd like to take the time to say the following:

Thank You

For being who you all are.. for helping me be who I am.. for always being there through the thick and the thin. We all have our own lives yet we always seem to make time for each other.

I learned something from my good buddy Jared today (I don't think he knows he taught me something today).

It's only when you realize it's the "end" of something.. do you realize how special it was. Today was his last day at Unisource.. to venture on to bigger & better things.. but including me no longer being able to just "drop him a line" whenever I wanted and have instant response.

It taught me that sometimes good things come to an end too.. but that it's okay. It doesn't mean that it didn't evolve into something better.

I think I forgot that ... just cause something isn't what you are 'used' to, doesn't mean it can't still be as special to you in your heart.

Not to get all mushy on you guys but I think it's sometimes hard to remember that.. we all are growing & changing and sometimes that means having to look at each other with new "glasses" on but being okay w/ the 'new' you.

I know I've personally done the "But I'm not sure I like the new you.. who are you?" and the same has been done to me. As Vero used to say to me "If change were so easy, everyone would do it."

Change sometimes means that you will outgrow certain people and things.. and alter others perception of you.. but there will be new people to take their place.

Thank you to all who have understood the changes I've gone through and come to understand and love me still. I'm forever indebted to you..

*Hugs*

~ j

Change of Plans...

2005-09-06T12:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I hate changes when it's not mine..

I just got off the phone w/ my brother who didn't realize that I'd have a friend riding w/ us to Chelan this weekend.. what does this mean? I now get to drive myself & this friend to Chelan.. which I did last year (by myself) and it was a LONG ass ride!

Not to mention gas is around $2.80/gl where we live. I think I will have enough to make it all in one trip (I did it to the Gorge & back).

It just sucks to know this now.. and kinda puts a damper on the trip. My friend will not be able to take her rig so it defaults to mine. At least I have good beats right?

Silver lining ... at least I'm finding this out on Tuesday and not Friday morning :(

Although my brother did say it's supposed to rain this weekend.. Last year we chose too soon.. (burn ban), this year we chose too late (rain) BOO!

If I only had a brain..

2005-09-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to concentrate today .. maybe it's because it's time for my annual mid-year review on ourselves.

I hate doing these due to the "rah rah" of "I'm so awesome. I rock" and at the same time, you don't want to not root for yourself. Specially since we just took over someone.. there is a good chance they may really read these reviews this time when we consolidate people.

I wish I could've fallen asleep last night.. I tossed & turned for at least an hour before finally nodding off..

Sleep tonight for me.. and I forgot my DVD's at home so no Sex in the City for me :(

The Schooner...

2005-09-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

This is the name of the local watering hole which has been there for ages (including the first time I met up with Justin ever).

Imagine my surprise when I opened up the news this morning and the headline read "2 shot dead outside local restaurant in Lakewood".

I'm clicking on the link thinking "What restaurant?" It was the Schooner.

The more disturbing part? A couple (young is all they were described with no names as of yet) had pulled into the parking lot and were sitting in their car talking and someone came up and shot them both and ran off.

For a brief second, my heart stopped. Could it have been someone I knew or worse yet, someone I knew closely?

I stared at the little picture trying to make out the make of the car and I didn't recognize it.. but then again, who's to say I would?

I guess it's one of those "hit close to home" bits since Urs & I almost went there on Friday night.. and fact I've been there.

Welcome to Lakewood...

Memory Lane; Party of 2

2005-09-04T12:41:00.000-07:00

Amber & I hung out last night, doing a bit of shopping (Toys R Us is a different place when you're not just there to get toys for someone's birthday).

We ended up skipping church (sorry Amb) and just having dinner & hanging out at the house. The boys were home when we got there and we played "Clue" since she was in the mood.

I don't think I've played this game since I was about 10 or 12.. so it was a trip down memory lane of how to play, how to accuse and how to beat Chris (he took the first 2 games without breaking a sweat).

I brought my poker chips down cause Amb had said they'd probably want to play. I spent about 10mins just trying to get the sucker out of the box and ripping the chips from their packages.

Then it was a bit embarassing trying to remember what color means what, and how many per what for a total of $5 buy-ins.

In the end, I think we figured it out so that was all good.

It came down to me & Amber actually. She was trying to get me to go all in a few times but I wasn't buying it. It wasn't that I wasn't confident in her skills or mine; more of I wasn't trusting in my cards that I could lose the whole game in one hand on something that I didn't believe in.

In the end, the boys were really bored and wanting us to "finish" already so we set a 10min goal and whoever had the most chips would win. I think the final tally was $13 some dollars of mine vs. Amb's $7 so I took the pot.

Although I did pay her back for dinner/lunch she paid (instead of splitting a check) so technically I about broke even, made $5 off Josh.. I'm just glad that everyone had fun and that I won! :)

After the boys went to bed (they'd been hunting all day), we started talking and whatnot.. high school people came up and once again, we took out her yearbooks.

Then we jumped online and started 'googling' some of these people. Mickey Traugettt came up.. and I'm going "drool drool.. sigh sigh".. He was this baseball/water polo jock who was really nice as well. Ripped bod and just overall a good kid.

His google came up with that he's Capt in the Army from Lakewood, WA. I'm going "That has to be him. How else can they have his name AND be from Lakewood?"

But even if I could contact him, what would I say? Hey there... I didn't know you too well but you wanna meet up if you come back to visit here? I'd love to jump ya now! Ha ha..

I didn't get home until about 4am (it was a long drive in the dark; cruise control was set). I don't think I've ever seen I-5 look so empty before.

Overall, it was a wonderful day. I woke up about noon this morning going "Where am I? What day is it?"

The trip down memory lane didn't hurt me or upset me as much as it had before (aka.. all the photos and mentions of Justin in the yearbooks). Instead it was a "Oh yea, Justin is there.. but look at all his friends too.. That's who he hung out with? Really?" And "Oh remember her? I couldn't stand her.. why did she always think she was so hot?"

So maybe the healing has finally sunk in.. maybe with seeing Joanie on Friday and having it be a good goodbye has finally closed that wound to where it doesn't hurt anymore to hear his name or envisioning him (alone or otherwise).

Lesson: Time does heal all wounds

Good for your soul; Bad for your heart

2005-09-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

I figured I minus well share this story.. and yes, it can be good for your soul but bad for your heart.. or at least not 'good' for it.

I took my day off yesterday to clean and move stuff to storage from my room .. aka.. pots & pans that accidentally got moved here instead of to storage. So I was going through a lot of stuff (and knew I had to meet up w/ Urs around 7ish).

I stumbled upon my last M's tickets for this season. I looked at them for a moment going "You know, I haven't really had fun since I've gone to those this season except the one w/ Carly". So I thought "I should just give 'em away."

Plus I will have just gotten back from Chelan the previous night and probably will be wiped out..

So I'm pondering "Who do I give these to?" And in the back of my mind, Joanie comes to mind. The conversation we had of her exchange 'student' wanting to go to a M's game to watch Ichiro and how her & Pops would probably take her.

So I called Joanie's cell phone and left a msg saying "Hey I got these tickets, you want 'em? If not, I'll just find someone else to give 'em to."

Three hours or so go by and I figure, all right cool. I guess that's a sign if I don't know what is.

My phone rings.. it's her. She's like "Sure I'd love 'em." And then we continue chatting, etc. It was a bit awkward at first because I kinda felt like we are not close like we were before where we were on the same wavelength (I know you guys know what I'm saying).

So she says she can meet me somewhere to drop the tickets off.. and I said that I had plans w/ Urs but why doesn't she call me when she gets back home and we'll figure it out..

So I don't hear from her by 6:30 and I think "Hmm.. guess she dissed me. I'll just drop by Pops on Sunday morning"

She calls AS I'm standing on Urs's front porch getting ready to leave.. So I told her I'd swing by her house and drop 'em off. Urs is in the car with me so I told her I'd be real quick.

I pull up and there is another car (Expedition or something) in their driveway and I'm thinking "Who the f is that??" Like it's any of my business :)

I walk down their long steep driveway (running actually and trying to not fall). Joanie opens the door and is like "Come on in!"

On the way over I had told Urs I felt very distant and knew in my heart it's over. There seemed to be a unspoken "thanks for everything but i guess this is it" vibe going on. She asked me if I wasn't sure it was all in my head.. I said I wasn't sure.

So I step inside and Joanie says "Let me introduce you to Mikah". I walk over to the kitchen bar area and there is a Japanese girl sitting there, looking very tired.

She stands up and shakes my hand. I say Hi and all the "How do you like it here?"

Joanie tells her how I'm the one w/ the M's tickets and how Mikah's 25th birthday is on the 9th and this game is on the 12th and so this will be her birthday present. I thought "Wow! That works out great!"

Urs asked me later if the girl was pretty (aka.. I had mentioned being a tad bit jealous that another girl our age was going to be living w/ Justin & fam for 3wks.. and sleeping in his room).
I honestly told her the girl seemed nice but she really didn't speak English too well and wasn't too cute.. but that I didn't want to be so mean about it but I never should've had that pang of jealously in the first place.

Anyway, I had told Urs I'd be right back (which was totally my intent) but I should've known better. Joanie & I are 'birds' as Josh puts it. When we're together, we just chat up a storm without realizing how many hours have gone by.. and then we're going "Oh, I guess half the day is gone" ~ sound familiar anyone? :)

45 mins later... (sorry Urs), Joanie has filled me in on Anthony (he is now working in Seattle at B of A; perk is he gets 4 tickets to every home Hawks game, to which I said "I'm sure Justin & Ben will make good use of that!).. What else.. Casey is due back home this week or next week (I'm super happy cause I always liked Casey and glad he's ok but was kinda surprised so quick he is back).

Just in general chitchat I guess.. nothing major. She is very good at not bringing up Justin unless is some past context of his friends, etc. She's not like Josh where "So here's the dirt on Justin."

When I finally got to the front door (game was going to start in 30mins and we still hadn't bought our tickets yet), she asked me one more time if I wasn't sure she could pay me for the tickets. I said no and how I had bought those ages ago when I thought "someone" would come w/ me and she laughed. So then she said "Ok, well maybe I'll take you to lunch sometime or something".

So I know that it's not like she's telling me to "leave her alone". At the same time, I wonder, is it really going to be possible to keep a relationship with my ex's mom cause I love her so much as a person? I want to say yes.. I really do. I want to say "I'd find a way to make it work" just like I do with people I can't see every day.

But I can't deny the tie that binds is that she at end of day will always be "Justin's Mom". It's not like she has a friendship with him too that will maybe not last cause of how he treats her. It's a permanent tie which I would never want to sever.

As I told Urs, "It sucks to be me since the only logical decision is I have to be the one voted off." I don't think he appreciates his mom and family but I know it's not my place to say.

The other news that kinda hit me later on at the game was.. "So I wonder if this means Justin will now move in with Casey if he's back home?"

And how ironic is it that they're probably having another HUGE party for Casey around the same time they did last year? Cause I went to it last year..

Things I shouldn't and don't want to care about.. things I don't care about as much as I thought I would.. but once again, I did something nice but in return, it rubbed a little salt in my healing heart. Not a lot, just a little bit to remind me of what "used" to be..

Victory, Victory, Go Lakes HIGH!

2005-09-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

It's nice to see that the more things change.. the more they stay the same.

Urs & I went to a high school football game last night (Lakes vs. Steilacoom). There was a huge debate going on between us because we used to not play Steilacoom.

Now we know why..

I think the final score was 48-6? Uhm, the stupid local paper didn't even put our score in the paper.. I'm going to email them this morning and pitch a bitch. How can you not cover the team that is ranked to be #1 in the state??

It was a good time.. not too cold, although the memories were both good and bad.

Good:

We whooped some ass
It was nice to be how strong high school football spirit still is (from jr. high kids to parents)
It was a nice kill me time for a Friday night for $5 bucks.

Bad:

There were a LOT of kids.. and not all mature (aka.. being loud, standing up, blocking my view, just to chitchat
The cheers were still the same as they were 8yrs ago (come on.. gotta get SOMETHING new besides ~ SCA-RED, we got scared.. whoo, shaking at the knees)
It made me feel a little old

Overall it was a good time.. we won and Urs & I left about 4mins left into the game (to see the Lancers score another TD when we were in the parking lot). I think literally everytime we got the ball, #20 ran it back for a TD. I have no clue who that kid is but he obviously should run track!

We went to Applebee's for a bite afterwards.. I convinced her to stay for a 'drink'. I'm glad we didn't go to the Schooner for I don't think I would've been comfortable in the end.

I didn't get home til after midnight and man.. was I yawning up a storm or what..

Good times though.. good times..

Cookie dough..

2005-09-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

I learned this analogy off "Buffy" (series finale episode) that was re-running today while I was eating lunch.

She was talking to Angel (drool drool) and he was asking her about getting back together, etc. She said to him she finally realized that the reason why she's had such bad luck w/ relationships in the past is that she is meant to be alone and how she is like cookie dough.

*Puzzled stare from Angel*

She goes on to state how she is like cookie dough because she is not quite done baking. How she's not sure how long it'll take her to get there and how she's okay with not knowing and thinking too far down the road. And someday, if she does become 'cookies', that there will be someone who will want to enjoy her warm baked goodness (yes, there are several bad sexual innuedos in this section).

I have to admit that I kinda feel the same way. It's okay to take a bit longer to get to where you know what you want out of a relationship and can go after it.

I was always the one that took longer to hit puberty, date, etc.. Why would I think it to be any different if I were to get married and have kids later as well?

Caller Tunes..

2005-09-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've given into it.. I've got a callertune on my cellphone.

So warning to all who may call.. it is going to play music instead of a 'ring ring'.

So please don't freak out and think you're calling someone else or there is an error.

My current tune ~ Baby Got back.. :)

Disturbing news...

2005-09-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

I was home alone last night and decided to randomly check up on my friends' websites, blogs, etc..

One thing that kinda disturbed me is one of my friend's sites had the "I'm going to stop using heroin completely."

I had to re-read the line again just to make sure that it wasn't a misread on my behalf.s

I guess it doesn't surprise me to hear him say this since he's always been kinda 'out there' on stuff.

It did bother me to know that people who seem like 'good' people are really doing drugs on the side.. and I hope that this person can get through this time.

And I hope that my other friends stay away from drugs.. "I pass on Grass" and that's not "puff puff pass!" :)

Am I too picky?

2005-09-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

One has to wonder.. I've been single about, oh uh 6mos in a couple weeks.. So let's just use nice round numbers and call it 6mos.

In this time, I've had several guys try to "holla" at me.. in person and via email/online dating sites.

What is funny to me is how some of these guys come off. I'm not sure if they realize it or not, but they kinda reek of desperation (or is this mean of me to think/say?)

Don't get me wrong.. I know it could be worse. I could be really lonely and have no one contact me. The place I'm at right now is I'm starting to realize it's been 6mos since I've really dated or opened myself up to someone in that kind of relationship (friends don't count!). But by no means am I looking around going "I guess he'll do."

The reason that I think guys are more desperate than they realize.. Check out a mini-verse from one guy, sent to me from match.com (Never have seen or heard of this guy before and hadn't logged in for like 3wks):

Number one thing: be able to relocate if we do match. I'm just looking for the right girl who has the same passion for life as I do.

This one thing alone made me go "WHAAAAA??"

And somehow he picked me to write this 100 word essay to.

Needless to say, I didn't respond (nor have I really to any match.com or any other emails).

It just seems weird to be single at this stage in my life (25) when I wasn't at all throughout my teens & early 20's.. Hey! Did I get jipped?? :)

It's cool.. It's a learning experience, that's for sure of what I want/don't want, etc.. but at the same time, I'm not in the mood to play the games. I guess I want a guy who doesn't play them either but isn't going to scare me off with "So I'm totally going to move for you and marry you within a year.."

Early morning thoughts..

2005-09-01T07:10:00.000-07:00

I spent the night at my sister's last night and once again, avoided the room where I had stayed when Justin & I stayed up all night talking.

It wasn't just cause the memory haunted me the first time I came back to stay there since that night.. it's cause the bed is WAY uncomfortable.

I took them to the airport this morning (we left their house at 5:30am, which means I had to be up around 5am to get ready.. zzz).

I have to admit it's kinda nice rolling in Derick's Toyota Highlander. So much that I think I'm going to 'borrow' it for the next couple days while I'm housesitting.

I know it sounds bad but I figure, I minus well drive his car since it has storage space.. and I can take my day off (tomorrow) and bring stuff to storage so I can finally unpack and walk around my room.

He had said it was fine. Allison piped up with "If you fill it up.. " and me going "damnit! Gas is almost $3 in their neighborhood!"

I'm wearing the outfit I wore on my first date with Justin today. I admit I feel sexy when I wear it (it's just a short white skirt w/ a top) but I feel weird since a lot of women this morning on the train were giving me the dirtiest of looks.

All in all, I feel better today, although not well-rested. Probably due to fact I am on little sleep but at least I know that I'm going to end up with a four day weekend.. nice trade off :)

Photograph

2005-08-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

This song has been playing in my head all morning (by Nickelback) since I saw it on VH1 this am.

It made me sad and happy all at once. It was a nostalgic song talking about the way that things were when they were younger. The way that things have changed and how he needs to say goodbye to things.

I guess it struck a cord with me since I've been living back in the places where I had a lot of firsts.. aka.. kisses, football games, driving tests, movies, etc.

The strange part? I've been trying to keep my prayers up (I've been feeling a bit down in the dumps lately) and I asked for strength and signs.

So what happens today? I am sitting on the bus, waiting to get off. The bus drive turns.. and who is at the light, looking straight back at me? Justin..

It shocked me.. I still don't know what it means. So I took it as nothing. But it was one of those moments where it made me question my sneezing a lot lately and feeling like something strange is about to happen.

I can't beat myself up over it but I honestly feel like it's time to put his photographs away in their shoebox and truly say goodbye.

I thought I had but I guess sometimes the memories still sneak up on me like there is no tomorrow.

Show them my motto..

2005-08-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry, that line from the "Sprite" commercial just stuck in my head.. :)

I feel a lot better now that the day is "over" and I'm at home finally to relax and crawl into bed in a little bit.

I admit the last few days have been wearing on me and as I told Brian today "I am a ball of negative energy and should be avoided at all costs."

I was having a day of the "people around me won't give me the full details until I hand in my work, then make me repeat my work" days.. So needless to say, I was whining a bit about it cause I didn't want to re-do my work all day. I wanted to actually do NEW work!

The thing I've learned today (to borrow this from Amber's site) is nothing is like a Mom's love.

My mom called me mid-day to say she had made chicken wings and did I want to stop by for dinner? I said sure and turned around and told Brian "At least I have something to look forward to tonight!" :)

The bus got home early so I stopped by their house and had dinner, then watched the re-run of the MTV Video Awards (to see Mariah Scary perform her songs). I do like her; just sometimes I think she tries too hard to be 'sexy'.

I feel tons better.. although not looking forward to house-sitting. At least I'll only have to do it for a few days really. Most of the time I'll be spending at home or out with some friends.

I'm genuinely looking forward to this weekend and realizing. There is always more I am wanting in Life.. Now is the time where I make the sacrifices so one day I can sit back and go "I've finally made it!"

Grand Total is...

2005-08-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

I got my hospital bill today when I got home from work.. specially after being CRABBY for not having any sleep.

Wanna take a stab? Grand total was $8K; I am responsible for $2K.

I'm stressing a bit since I'm not sure where I'm supposed to come up with this.. uhm, unless my house sells (mmm.. hmm.. please?)

It also didn't help as I'm arguing with someone on the phone (due to my lack of sleep and their rudeness); I saw Justin & Loren go by.

I know it's fact of life we all live in same town and all that. But I guess it was still one of those moments where I scratch my head and think "Now I was sneezing a lot today!" :)

I can't believe for how tired I am, my brother woke me up after only a couple hours of sleep. :(

Back to bed for me!

House News..

2005-08-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

In all the excitement of this past weekend and whatnot..

I forgot to update everyone on the "house" front..

Not too much new news to report. Besides my agent calling me Friday and saying "Uhm, so is it okay if I lower the price to the original you wanted? I think I may have been greedy."

And me going "Fine, whatever." I'm come to not worry too much about it. It's inevitable I'm going to have to pay my mortgage on the 1st (Thursday) so it's not like I can say "One more week will make a difference" as of today.

It just irked me a bit since it makes me wonder if I just lost out on 3wks of selling time due to him wanting an extra $5K out of the deal.

Please send good selling vibes my way! :)

9 hours later...

2005-08-29T04:55:00.000-07:00

Man I am tired. I have been up since about 10:30am yesterday (I think that is Sunday).

I spent the day working out, running errands and getting groceries. Euni called while I was out grocery shopping so I called her back after getting home & eating some din-din.

This was shortly after 8pm.. it's now about 5am.. We've been up talking all night.

Long story short?? Me tired.. Me probably will have hot chocolate this morning (which is a lot for me!)

Me also realizing that me breaking out (damn PMS!) and me not have a thing to wear!

There is this guy from craiglist.org who has been emailing me since last night.. he seems kinda funny although I can't figure out if he's being nice or just pushy/aggressive.

Funny story? He emailed me late last night to say "I work at the Polyclinic in radiology".. and me going "Uh oh.. the polyclinic downtown? The one *I* go to?"

Maybe it'll result in having lunch one of these days since we do only work a block from each other. Or maybe it'll result in nothing. It was a nice perk to login and see an email from someone who understands that you gotta send some to receive some!

Have a great morning everyone.. day.. afternoon.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz